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Here I sit, another week has gone by. I haven't wanted to blog lately, perhaps it's too much work, and also I just don't know how much of my feelings I can really articulate, let alone in a public blog. I guess I will try because it might make me feel better...

so...where to start...Homecoming. It was alright. It always feels good to get out and do something different, and see different people, etc. I found myself just feeling depressed after the weekend though. I mean, not like cut yourself and want to commit suicide, but I just feel lost. I do not have any friends. I know a lot of people, and I am surface friends with them, but really no one that I was dying to see. The subject of friends is a touchy subject with me currently. On one hand, I want friends because I want to talk to people, laugh, and all that. At the same time, everyone annoys me here(besides Theresa) and I feel like my opportunity to be close friends with many people in EC has passed. It can be really hard now that I realize how much Josh and I shared and talked. In no way am I saying I regret my decision, but it does suck to lose a friend. Even though we are "friends" it will never be the same. Most of the people I know from EC were more friends with Becky and mostly Theresa(social butterfly). Unfortunately, I have been getting way down on myself lately because I feel like this is all my fault for being a "homebody" and a bit of a bitch? I don't know. I guess I just never saw the value of being fake with people and pretending to care about stupid shit just to fit in. Maybe that costed me some friends. I also was always stretched thin as far as being busy, and lord knows I love my "me time", even if it is just sitting around being lazy. If I was not down here with Theresa I have no clue how I would be surviving. And the worst thing is when everyone tries to tell me that it's some adjustment and all just relating to change. I've gone through changes, I have been in new places with new people, and I have always been fine. I am also not saying that it has nothing to do with it, but I just don't want to hear the generic shit I guess.
It's really been bugging me, also, that my family seems to not even care if I exist. All drama aside, I really do wonder if my parents ever think about me. It is how I honestly feel to say that I know they assume since I am with Theresa that I am fine. I love a big family, but fuck I just want some attention sometimes. I know that they love me and care about me so much. I just wish they knew how to make the time to show it. BUT then I wonder, do I make the time to show THEM?...I just don't know. I have only talked to my parents 4 times since August 29th and each time it's for a few minutes it feels like. I know I could talk more if I made the effort to call them, but it just feels like I am bothering them. I cannot stand when I am talking to Mom and she is having side conversations with my little siblings. "Oh Scott, can you pick that up?" That type of shit. I know she hates that it happens sometimes too, but I just don't understand why she won't email me, or call me when she has a chance, even late at night. At the same time, I have nothing to say to my parents really. I could talk and talk and talk about my job, but I've learned that no one wants to hear it. Well, I shouldn't say it that way, but I also know that there are so many things going through my head regarding school that I don't know where to begin and so I tend to just not talk about it. It's weird that Theresa talks more about her subbing jobs than I talk about my job. The weekend before homecoming we were home and not 5 minutes after we walked in the door, mom and dad went to Eau Claire for the day to get shit for the cabin. That's all they care about, I swear. It just felt like a slap in the face. We tried to just use it as an opportunity to spend time with the little kids, but it would be nice to feel a connection to my own parents again. See? I shouldn't have even tried to write about this heavy stuff. It's making me sound like a melodramatic baby. So I will continue!
My job is not horrible, I repeat, not horrible. I don't want people to think I hate Falk. I really like having a job, I enjoy working with these kids. While there are behavior problems, I still feel a strong desire to be an advocate for each student, and help them be successful in school and out. If I leave next year, I really would miss these kids too. It's more that I feel like the school is not as fulfilling. The teachers don't collaborate enough, pretend things are great when they are not, and they just settle for what they think is enough. I am just so opposite of that mindset that it drives me crazy. I want to get things done, come up with new ideas, make the best of every situation, and all of the typical stuff. I just don't relate to any of the staff there well at this point. I have a people I talk to, and they are very very nice, but I can't say I think that they "get" me. I WISH I WAS IN OWATONNA. I was just in the ideal place for me, only to not be able to be back there. I am learning a lot here, and it will make me a better teacher. I just try to challenge myself, recognize my hard work, and do the very best I can for my kids. It's fricken exhausting. I am really bonding with some kids. I am also getting into sorting through the room, and making it my own.

Alright, enough bitching. This morning I kind of strained a muscle or something. The middle of my back, kind of where my bar is, is just really sore and tight. I made it through the day, but it got progressively worse. I laid down with my heating pad and took some IBprofen after school. I think it feels a little better. We are now watching Wheel of Fortune, having a typical Soules sister night. I have a little stuff to do for school, but I think we will be watching Edward scissorhands later.

I think I am going to go to the dentist for a cleaning, and ask them about my wisdom teeth again. I mean, I keep biting my cheek in the back and it's getting ridiculous. My dentist in Lakeville had a theory that if he pulled them out my cheeks would just adjust and more or less sink into the next teeth anyways, meaning I'd still bite them. At the time it made sense, and I didn't want to have to pay to remove them. Now, it seems a little silly and I would set up a payment plan if I could stop biting my teeth. PLUS, I think I bite my tongue/cheek in my sleep and clench my jaw. I don't know. I really don't think I could sleep with a mouthguard though. I know Chelsea sleeps with one, but knowing me and my clausterphobia I think it would be bad.

Ok, long story short, I am feeling like empty and lonely and crappy lately, but I do not want advice or fake put-ups. Thanks "friends".

Getting things done...

I am feeling pretty good lately about getting some things done that I have really put off. I mean, I guess I shouldn't feel so good since I should have done them before and I have not been working out like I should either, but I am going to still be happy.

Last night I did a couple loads of laundry and spent the whole night doing things for school, and NOT lesson plans. I figured out what I am roughly doing the rest of the month and in November, made some leeway on my 4/5 grade concert in December, and went through many music catalogues trying to figure out how to spend my budget. I turned in a few orders today, and still need to finish up a few more that involve websites instead of teacher catalogues. I don't have a ton to spend so I am trying to be smart. I am also trying to really buy things that can go a long way, but enable me to do a lot of the cool things I was able to do in Owatonna. I think I might seriously invest in an ipod for school. Still don't know, it'd be SO nice to not switch out CDs and keep track of what song is what number on what CD in what CD space of the stereo. Ugh, I know.

Tonight I am going to continue my budget stuff, and clean the bathroom and vacuum the apartment. It needs it. I am also going to pack for the weekend and figure out what all I have to do before we leave for EC. I am sort of excited to go to homecoming, but I'd be lying if I said I think it's going to earth shattering. I am just hoping to get away, have more than a few laughs, and not feel like I am unprepared for the weekend. I also hope that I feel refreshed after this weekend, rather than a huge yearning to stay there or Menomonie for a few more days. Sunday we are going to Menomonie to see Angie from HS's baby. She's over 10months old, and I've never seen her. I am also going to pick up a coat rack that Dad made for my room so that the kindergarteners can hang up their coats they bring to music before lunch. Right now they are throwing them into a pile and then we spend way too long at the end of class digging for coats and fighting for crap like that.

I really like the secretaries at my school. It's not like we have some personal bond, it's more like they are so nice, and get their shit done AND FAST. They do a really good job, and especially Cindy is so organized. I love it. I can't wait to organize my room, side note I guess.

I love October because teaching Halloween songs for music class is so fun. There are SO MANY cool Halloween songs and activities. I don't just sing the songs that have Halloween words, but I have good educational stuff that I can pull out rhythms/pitches we are working on, do pitch matching, and incorporate literacy stuff too. Rattlin' Bones here we come. Plus, I heard that you can read Where the Wild Things Are while playing In the Hall of the Mountain King so I might just try that out since the movie is out tomorrow. Wouldn't that be fun? I am a nerd.

Well, time to get back to being productive. That seems to be the theme of most blogs I read of other people's. Oh well. See you on the flip side of homecoming blogisphere.

6 weeks done!

I have completed 6 weeks of school, and I can't believe it's already Oct. 9th. How bizarre! This week was maybe one of the "best" weeks that I have had so far. Really, I just haven't had the behavior issues I had before. There are still issues, don't get me wrong, but they are not as often. I only had to call the recovery room once this week, and that was because this girl came over on a rampage after phy ed and when I tried to call the recovery room she kept pressing buttons on the phone. I had to send a kid down to get her teacher because there was no one in the recovery room, and I had to hold her and she started stomping on my feet and kicking my shins. I am just glad that she didn't really hurt me because she's small. It seems like kids at school are really emotional lately. It sounds like they all have so much going on at home. These kids hate when people say things about their mom too(ie. YOUR MOM...!) I have had many students argue or physically start to fight over comment about their mom. Anyways, sorry so much about school, yet again.

I have been saving pictures from online to print for our frames and albums in the apartment. We have really old pictures/store model pictures in our frames. I realized how little pictures there are that are the long way. It will be nice to get that done next week, complete the love nest a little more. We also bought a britta water filter for our kitchen sink. AWESOME! Now our water doesn't taste like chlorine. I'll probably become much more hydrated as a result of this.

I got my hair cut a week ago and the stupid lady butchered my bangs. She cut them REALLY short(we're talking like 1/2 inch above the tops of my eyebrows) and they are CROOKED! I was so embarrassed, but of course I didn't have the balls to complain. Plus, I couldn't see without my glasses on and I hate when they are standing there and want you to check it out. it's awkward. So, I have been pinning them back, which basically means that I have to wear my hair in a ponytail. I just don't like doing that every day. I'll "pull myself together", and have a friggin pony tail pulled straight back. So, today I decided they were for a week, studies say 1/8 inch in that time so I was like screw it, and wore them down. I felt self conscious all day, but hopefully I didn't make a total ass of myself. I just have to act surprised all day and raise my eyebrows, haha.

I am watching Rachel Ray right now. I have only seen it a couple of times, but the meatballs with cheese sauce that she made looks amazing. I am waiting for Theresa to get home from subbing. It's so strange to have her be "working" when I am the one at home waiting. I get done early on Fridays so that is why I got home around 1pm today. I am going to try to do some Monday plans now though so I can enjoy the weekend. EC/Menomonie - Here I come!

Please write more everyone, AHEM YAKKO.

Post during commercials...

That is what I am currently doing while watching my favorite show, The Biggest Loser. Yah! I love Tuesdays...

Ha! I hate Tracy on BL and I am happy she can't work out. I still don't understand what her injury is exactly. Poor Coach Mo, just wish he'd get a real name.

Theresa and I just got back from working out. Last week I was busy and didn't get in there for way too long. Now I am sore from last night, so tonight was tiring as well. I want to get into a better routine for what time we go though. I liked going at night last year, but I am thinking Theresa and I should go around 4 after school, come home and eat dinner, and then do whatever else we have to do. We'll see, at least we are going again. I am a tad PO'ed that Theresa burns way more calories than me when we are doing the exact same thing. Does weight make that big of a difference? Ugh.

School has been okay so far this week. I am really pushing myself to pack my lessons full of interesting things and variety of skills(reading, writing, decoding), as well as the kind of activity(visual, aural, kinesthetic). I just love being silly with the kindergarteners and 1st graders. They believe anything, it's like playing for 30 minutes. Today some teachers were talking about a particular student who is difficult to manage at times, and through talking I discovered that some teachers think he might have Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. Now, for me this is so weird. I never even thought to consider that when I considered other labels like ADHD, EBD, etc. It's sad to think of how many of my kids might have FAS and I wouldn't neccessarily know. I mean, with the poverty and sort of "ghetto-ness" that my school feeds from, I guess I shouldn't be surprised. It's just....sad. I don't know. Tomorrow is my fullest day so hopefully it goes by fast and easy, and then I can coast through Thursday and Friday and it will be yet another week finished(and without me calling in sick to boot). Next week Theresa is subbing for me all day while I go to an all day New Teacher workshop that the district requires. I can't WAIT to see what her day is like as me. Ha, of course she'll be playing a movie or something easy, but I still can't predict what the kids will do to her.

Last week I went to Kyle Peterson's school and helped him have kids try out and pick instruments. It was very nice to see him again, and be around a familiar face again. It was also nice to have something going on at night so I didn't just sit at home and watch TV. I am glad I got a little band fix in there too. I liked seeing another Madison school, and while it is a middle school and on the east side, I still felt like Kyle can understand somewhat of what I am going through. I also got to chit chat with Jess last night and that was much needed, wish we could have talked longer.

I am excited to go home this weekend. I haven't been to Menomonie or EC since Christine's bday which was August 29th. I haven't seen Morgan since a week before that too. We are going home for her baptism, or christening or WHATEVER. Clearly, I just want to see her. I know she has gotten much older and bigger. Darn babies, they grow up too fast. I am happy to see my whole family again. I want to talk to Laura about school, and I want to talk to my mom and dad about my job, and I want to see how scott likes 7th grade and the tenor sax, and see how Shannon and Chrissy are doing at good ole MHS. I mean, I keep in touch with them with facebook, but it's not the same. Shannon will probably be happy to see me only because I am giving her my old phone now that I got a new one. I think Saturday we will go see the BMB again in Chippewa Falls. I don't think we will leave until Saturday after sleeping in though. I really need Friday night to do school stuff, and to relax and not be stuck in a car. We can still workout and then leave Saturday.

THEN HOMECOMING! Yes, I am a huge nerd and I think it's cool to go back still. Well, really I just can't wait to hang out and drink with friends, and see the band, and hopefully maybe some teachers. I am going to have fun, no regrets, but I will not drink as fast as I did last year. THAT was ridiculous.

I have had some really funny times with Theresa as of late. OH MY GOD, seriously. I wish everyone could have triplet sisters, and do things that make things very funny. We drew each other the other night, and I could just pee. Wow. Also, we recording a message for Becky that is ridiculous and turns out it is too long to send. Ha.

Last weekend, Theresa and I went to Greendale to see Becky and Rick and the rest of the BMB( I know no one in there anymore). Yakob met up with us and it was a fun time, maybe not super crazy but worthwhile. I wish Yakob could live with us. heehee.

I am trying to think of something funny the kids said as a send off for this blog. Hmmmm, I'll give it another try on the next commercial break...

"HEY! WHERE'S MY MOM?!" Trevor to the secretary as I walked in behind him.
me "Hey Trevor, where's my mom?"
Trevor "YOU don't have a mom"
me"Oh really? How did I get here then?"
Trevor "You got here in a car because you are an adult. You don't have a mom because you have a husband instead!"
me "Well, I don't have a husband, so can I keep my mom for awhile?"
Trevor "Huh? No."

This is the same kid who LOVES getting falcon feathers and when he gets one he holds it like gold. He has a hard time putting it in his pocket because it will bend, but sometimes we need both hands for a game or something. It's funny, I talked to his mom about it the other day because she works at school for lunch duty or something. Today she came up to me, and apparently he slept with her last night. In his sleep he said, " I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO PUT MY FALCON FEATHER!" Haa, oh kids. They are little pieces of golden rod paper with a falcon on it. Get over it.

Well, I am going to get back to Biggest Loser. Hope everyone is having a great October so far!