Merry Christmas

OK, I know it has been almost a month. I am procrastinating so hard core. Ugh, I am just THAT bored that I am long over-due blogging on Christmas.

Well, first I guess I should make a list of things worthwhile to comment on. Then I will go back and take a stab at the post.
- My students who were shot
- Doc's party/Hastings
- Pat and Erin's Wedding
- My concert
- Kristin Wood's unfortunate passing
- Becky's engagement and graduation
- Owatonna visit
- Christmas Eve/Christmas

AND I am sure much more....

So my students who were shot....they are doing much "better" I guess you could say. Destiny got to spend the last two days before break back in school. What a miracle. She was the one shot in the back of the skull. Originally we were all worried about her recovery in regards to her voice, jaw and tongue. All are healing very fast, and she seems to talk just fine. I was so happy to finally see her back at school. She was for sure very popular that day and was enjoying it too. Donte will be in the hospital for awhile yet I take it. He was paralyzed from the waist UP and that was so odd. He started to be able to wiggle his fingers and can feel the nurses rub his arms over the last couple of weeks. Thank GOD! So while his recovery is going to be a slow one, it is also still a miracle that he survived being shot in the face, and having it go in so far as to hit or traumatize his spinal chord. I burned them a few CDs, hope they liked them. Their mom is doing fine as well. They all will have major emotional trauma to deal with, but I guess I won't find much out about that process for the time being. I can only be happy for their physical recovery at this point. I wonder how the holidays have been for them and the whole family(minus scumbag Dad who is now in jail).

Doc's Party was alright, of course slightly awkward being that I am so far removed from his studio. I mean, really I just wanted to see Doc after all that happened that week at school and stuff. It was good to see him, but I wish we had more time to talk. It was also weird to think about last year's party when me and Josh got engaged and announced it at his party. Ah well. The cider was good and hot, and Mrs. Doc's prizes were entertaining as usual. The Hastings party was ridiculous on my behalf - or the Soules sisters in general. We got really drunk and flew around the party like we were bowling balls of destruction. It was good to see the few people I knew, and apparently talk to a bunch of people I should have known/recognized but didn't? Anyways, maybe too much to drink and some bruises found in the morning pretty much sums it up.

Pat and Erin's wedding was nice. I know that a winter wedding isn't what I would choose for myself, but it was great for them. Everything was very pretty and nicely decorated. The service was short and sweet. I am unbelievably happy for Pat and Erin. They have waited for a long time for that day and it went very well. Yahooo. They looked great and we had fun, minus a few fire alarms going off(some kid I guess did the first one - then I think they were just messed up). I was slightly disappointed that we were usherettes and yet it felt like we were not part of the wedding party at all. NOW, let me set this straight, I don't care if I am in the wedding party or not, but don't make a big deal of being an usherette and then pay no attention and have us sit on our asses the whole rehearsal and pictures, etc. Seriously, taking off school Friday was so pointless. Whatever though, not really anyone's fault, just irritating. The rehearsal dinner was also nice by the way. I was sort of mad at Mom for some stupid crap that made it a awkward and stressful weekend in a way unfortunately. Can't really explain or comment more on that...not enough time.

So on the way home from the wedding weekend we got a call from Becky informing us that Kristin was in a coma. It was quite a shock, and I think Theresa and I had NO IDEA how to comprehend what had already happened and what could happen next. We cried some, but not to the extent we felt was necessary. It just was all so confusing. Well Monday we got another call from Lindsay telling us that Kristin didn't make it. Still...confusing and in shock. We cried some more but I would say that it did not hit us until we were almost to Kristin's visitation on Friday night. It's like a sick feeling came over us, it's really happening. We stood in line for a long time and about 15-20 minutes before we got to her family and the casket we realized that it was open. Now, I have never ever been to an open casket funeral. This caused some panic in me. It was very hard to see her like that. I mean, they did a "good job"(what does that even mean?) but she just didn't look the same either. It was difficult, that's all I can really say. In a weird way, after I looked I couldn't stop and it made it more real to all of us. We could finally start to grieve. So strange, someone that young should not just suddenly die. Her funeral was also hard the next morning, lots of crying. I guess it was good to see the people that were there Friday and Saturday even though the reason wasn't a good one, and it makes you want to tell everyone you love that you love them. I am going to continue to be thinking of Kristin and her family, especially this holiday season, as well as Lindsay and her high school friend Erin. I just don't know what else to say about the whole thing.

So the day after Kristin's death I had my concert. Now this was a big to-do more because I had to hold all of the 4/5 grade students after school until the concert for a big party thing so ensure attendance. They got to sign up for different rooms and we had a snack/recess after school and pizza for dinner, etc. It was a lot of organizing, but I have to say it went really well with hardly any problems. It was great to be so busy at a sad time like that in a way too. I learned some things that will help future events such as this go even better, and the actual concert part went alright too. I have really high expectations and was working on this for so long that it is hard to sit back and enjoy and recognize the product even after it's done. I still find myself annoyed that they rushed here, or were TALKING a lot, or that a bunch of kids were pouting and not singing. I just have to remind myself that they did a good job, I did a great job, and this whole job and school is not easy. What I did for/with them, is not something that they have had in the past. I am really looking forward to the Spring concert now, with the whole school. I already have a bunch of ideas written down(I know - Type A). It was also interesting to show my family and some other people the video and see what they had to say. Seems like everyone is "impressed", for lack of a better word, in the diversity at my school. I think I give off the vibe that it is all African American kids, but really I have 61% African American. I have a lot of Asian, Hispanic, Middle Eastern, and Caucasian kids as well. When you look at my concert, there is a WIDE variety of skin color and appearances. I think to me, the African American presence is just so strong when I think of my school because their general tendencies are to be loud, outgoing, and are so different that the way I grew up. I have also been learning so much through my school's grant for African American education that I guess it seems so prevalent. Anyways...

SO late congrats online to Becky and Rick on their engagement. We all knew it was coming(Becky included) but that doesn't mean that it wasn't still a very happy moment. I am sooooo happy for the both of them. They are great for each other, make each other happy, bring out the best in each other, and love each other so much. Rick was sweet about how he did it, and if I could bottle up the happiness we heard in Becky's voice and drink it for breakfast every morning I would be a much happier person. I can't wait to see how the wedding plans start going, and look so so so forward to their wedding. I am also proud of Becky's graduating from UWEC, seems strange that none of us are there anymore. It was not like school was easy for Becky, and she put up with a lot of pressure from people, and pulled through to get what she deserved, a college degree. I often felt bad that Theresa and I fit in so well with our major and had a clear idea from day one of what we wanted out of college. She didn't and I think it shows a lot of strength to keep going like she did. Good job Becky, hope you get a job that fits you well too!

Wednesday I drove to Owatonna to visit my old colleagues and kids. It was interesting. I could not believe that the kids I saw at Lincoln and Washington recognized me right away. They gave me lots of hugs and it was really nice. I mean, I am not going to lie....some of them were like "oh yeah...forgot about you" type of look but that's fine. Hell, I couldn't remember hardly any names of them, and I'd see them and be shocked I forgot about them. They look so much older too already, in 6 months how weird. It was good to see Kathy and Sue, as well as Nancy(art teacher) and some other people. We went to Plaza Moreno and talked for awhile, basically about me and my job/life. I felt like it was a big sob story for me, but really I am just having a really hard time and they know it. It was nice to feel supported, and like the way I am feeling lately doesn't make me crazy. I was so lucky I fit in so well last year, and clicked with my colleagues, regardless of age. I guess, that's what I have been missing a lot this year at Falk. It was a hard drive in, very emotional for some reason. Hard to drive near the cities, hard to drive by Lakeville, hard to drive into and around Owatonna. It made me miss my life last year a ton, and the routine and comfort in it. In another way, it was better on the way back because I guess I was feeling slightly hopeful that I am going to get help and someday be happy again.

OK, so while this is turning into how unhappy I am I guess I should write briefly on that. I am depressed, so totally depressed lately. For the last few months I guess, and getting pretty bad. I mean, I feel just hopeless, worthless, bitchy, tired, sad, and dark. I am fine sometimes, but other times I just crash hard. I have been doing some major reflecting on myself and it's like I have mini breakthroughs and think I know what I need to do to feel better, but then it doesn't help or something else comes up. I am going to see a counselor and try to get on meds if I have to so I don't get worse. I can't live like this, and I can't bring anyone else down with me anymore either. The thing is, I know I am depressed, and extra sensitive, but I also don't like people telling me the reasoning behind my feelings are not legitimate. I might be over-sensitive, but that doesn't mean I am not really hurt by some things. I still feel the feelings, you know? I don't want people to walk around on egg shells around me, but I would like a fucking hug and I love you from time to time from my parents. I mean, yes I get it, we had a wedding and holidays and people are busy. I am not asking for much, I don't need daily hourly conversations, but it would help me I am sure to be affirmed daily that I am loved and cared for. I am not just another person in the world who is just out there breathing. It hurts that I am hurting so much, and everyone can sit around and talk to each other about it, but no one wants to talk to me about it. It's just too awkward or is too much of a downer I guess. I am mainly talking about my family here, minus Theresa who has listening way too much I bet. She says my family is concerned, but yet no one has even asked me about it. Cmon, since when does a depressed person have to walk up to their mom and be like, "I just want you to tell me that you love me and let me cry to you". God. Annoying. But then again, that's depressed Liz, annoyed by everything and everyone. I really wonder how long I have been depressed and all too. I have been pushing people away, and yet searching for love for way too long. I spent my whole relationship with Josh trying to get him to love me, and even now we are broken up and I STILL get frustrated that he doesn't care more about me. Why?! What is my friggin problem? I don't want to go out with him, understand we are not meant for each other, but still want him to think I am a great person sincerely. I have to get to the bottom of my issues, and that is why I am going to go see someone. I am getting worse by the day and panicking about the stupidest shit. Break is hard because my routine is out the window and I am surrounded by sentimental holiday crap. Plus I am BORED. I am not going to go kill myself so do not fret, but I just have a lot on my mind. I feel like I am on the verge of a mental breakdown or an epiphany so I just need to make sure I end up with the right one.

So, yeah, that being said...Christmas Eve/today have been fine. Nothing too special. I have been trying to keep busy, doing dishes and stuff so that I don't ruin Christmas by thinking too much. I got a duffle bag and money and some other stocking stuffer type stuff for Christmas. Plus, Grandma got me some Sex in the City DVDs that Theresa said she'd like, so apparently that means all three of us wanted that but whatever.

Oh and we picked up Josh in Chicago because it was cheaper(well, long story) and visited Joe. It was way too short of a visit with him. We met up with Jess and Jesse and Brian Plank and Kyle Petersen and a few others downtown. It was fun, also too short and not nearly as drunk as it should have been. As me, Josh, and Theresa were about to head out of Madison, I was pulling into a Speedway to get gas and literally slid into another car that was waiting to pull out. There was nothing I could do, tried pumping the breaks and everything. I didn't get a ticket because the cop was being nice and listed it as happening on private property. I was NOT going too fast, it was just a weather thing, but dammit. Just another reason why 2009 blows. I cannot wait to see shitfaced on New Year's Eve and just try to have a better 2010. I know it won't be like all of my problems disappear between Dec. 31st and Jan 1st but it might just help my mindset. Gah.

Sorry to be a downer post, if you made it to the end congrats. I hope everyone else had a realllllly great Christmas and I hope to see lots of people on New Year's. Feel free to leave me some encouragement and love. I know "this too shall pass" but that doesn't make it easier, and things don't just get better on their own so I am just working hard to be happy again. Whew.

Maybe I should jot down some 2010 goals...
- be healthy again - work out more and eat better, get back on track
- Leave school at school
- Be a good friend
- Save money and pay off car/credit card
- Find a hobby or personal interest
- Read more books
- Call home more and be a better daughter/sister

Probably have a ton more, but let's stick to that right now to be realistic and positive.

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

more info?

I guess here is a more updated version of what happened. More detailed, yet not enough answers. I want to know exactly how they are doing and what this healing process looks like for them. Shot in the back of the head and the other the face?! Get out. I still can't believe it.

http://host.madison.com/wsj/news/local/crime_and_courts/article_c3c9439d-f1c8-5ea9-a5ca-ef765579ff55.html

http://www.wkowtv.com/global/story.asp?s=11591147

Sad doesn't even begin to say it.

Here I sit at 1am on a Sunday night sitting wide awake. I just cannot sleep, cannot stop thinking about my kids from school.

I got an email this evening informing me, along with the rest of our school, that two of my students and their parents were in a domestic dispute and were all shot on Saturday. Apparently, they are all in stable condition. I just want to know what that even means. I want to know more! I want answers! In reading the news, I see that they think one of the victims was the shooter, meaning these kids, or more likely one of their parents. What the hell?! I am angry, and just more sad than I can say that these kids have to deal with this crap. I mean, ALL of the kids in my school too, not just these two. It is no wonder that these kids come to school with a negative attitude, and fight with one another. It's what they know, and what they see every single day. I can't believe that two of MY students where I teach were shot...WITH A GUN! I think I have been sad since reading the email, talked to Dad and Theresa, cried, and now I am just pissed and in an angry stage. These kids are innocent, and they do not deserve this. One of them is in 3rd grade and the other in 1st grade. Can you just imagine??? It breaks my heart to think of what they must have heard and saw, their whole lives and then now during all of this. I can't wait to find out more information, to try to make SOME sense out of it maybe. I just really want to know how they are all doing. I just can't imagine how it would feel to lose a student, and to something so horrible as this. Thank God they are surviving. I have no idea what tomorrow will be like. I know that we have specific instructions on how to deal with something like this. I just don't want to break down and cry in front of the kids, but at the same time I know that I have the strength and it would be my nature to do what I need to do to help the kids feel better. It's strange because in all of the classes they will be having a discussion in the morning, and I just feel like as the music teacher, what can I do? If they are already discussing it, do I even bother in music? The thing is, I want them all to know that I am there for them. I want them to share with me their stories and feelings. I just want to help. Right now, I feel helpless. I hate that feeling. I just can't describe the feeling of getting an email that starts out saying that they was a domestic dispute and two of our students were shot. It's like my eyes welled up with tears before I could even read on to see if they were okay! It's like the ultimate panic. I just don't want to feel it again, but I know it could happen again and be worse. Just wish I knew what to do for them. I just hate that there has to be this kind of thing happening to families and children out there. This happened very close to my school and to our apartment. I mean, it's our general neighborhood, the Westside ghetto. I know that I feel safe in the building we live in, but it also makes you wonder. I don't even want to be blocks away from this kind of thing. I would never want my kids to grow up in this kind of neighborhood. How is Falk ever going to turn their school's attitude around, and get kids making great choices and making their lives better? How can we do the seemingly impossible? Even if I can give one kid hope here, I can feel better. But I wish we could do it all. As if I didn't have mixed feelings about Madison and Falk school, now it's even worse. I just want to be there for kids that need someone supportive, who believes in them, but I don't want to be in this negative environment all of the time either. It just brings me down, and then I am not the best I can be for them anyways. I just don't know what to think of it all. Just keep this family in your prayers. I hope the kids heal physically and emotionally. We all just have to take this one day at a time.

Short week!

Ooooooo...so full. I made burgers tonight on the stove. Never tried that before, and I did alright! We also enjoyed baked beans, chips, and Koolaid. It was a regular Soules family summer meal.

I am so happy that this week is a short week. I feel so much less stressed about it for some reason, even though my 4/5 classes before the concert are limited(yikes). Tomorrow is a easy day, and I have lots of prep so I don't have to feel like I need it all done tonight. It is just so awesome to be sitting here doing lesson plans, etc. with Theresa. She is really taking this on full force, and I am proud of her for that. I want to help her so much, but I hope she also knows that she can do, literally, whatever she wants. There is so much freedom in elementary music, let alone her situation. This whole experience is great for me, to talk through things, and share what I know, but also to have her be emerced in what I do every day, and we'll have a better understanding of that for the rest of our lives now. In many ways her school seems slightly better than mine. I mean, she has ONE combined grade level class and I have twelve of twenty. Everyone seems much more welcoming and friendly too. She has another music teacher to talk to there, which can be good and bad, and lucky for her it seems good so far. They get along, and this teacher matches our philosophy more than anyone else we've met here. Theresa needs to decorate her room and make it her own now, so we are trying to figure out how we can get stuff on walls when she doesn't have any posters. She's working on making one right now. :)

Friday night we hung out with Mark Lundin. His place is pretty sweet, lots of plants! It felt like we were in the jungle, or like we were in Where the Wild Things Are. (yes, your assumption at this point is correct). Then we went to a bar that he said was like The Joynt, and it really was, but it was so busy that we couldn't find a place to sit or stand. It was fun to see Mark, he is a really fun guy and we've always gotten along easily. Yesterday Theresa and I slept in sooooo late after that. I have not slept that late in years, no kidding. So, we felt like we couldn't go to bed at a regular time and went to the bowling alley bar. We just sat and split a pitcher while chatting and listening to people butcher songs on kareoke. It's nice to get out, even if it's just the two of us. I really want to go back there, and this other bar we were going to go to but they had a $6 cover when people come to visit. Errin wants to have a Wicked party with cheap vodka in January. Ha, we'll see if it happens. Well, we ARE getting together in January, but we'll see what it actually turns out to be like.

Today I went to one of my student's piano recital. It was so cute! She was by far the best one there in her age group. I was so impressed! AND she arranged the pieces she played "herself". I mean, I know that could mean anything, but it is still cool. Her little brother is a kindergartener, and he freeeeaked out when he saw me. Actually he is the boy I mentioned in a earlier post that said I don't have a mother and loves getting falcon feathers. Their parents were ecstatic that I came and kept thanking me. I guess the girl told them I might be coming, and they made brownie cupcakes for the reception afterwards and made one for me with a music note thing sticking out in case I actually showed up. I bet that they didn't believe her when she said I was coming. BUT I DID! It made me feel really good to support her and see what she is doing outside of my class. It is hard to give the well behaved and gifted students the attention that they deserve when you have to deal with all of the other crap all of the time. I just wanted her to know I care, and think it's cool that she is liking piano lessons.

I think I am going to put my laundry away, and the dishes, and then do some school stuff until bed. I CAN'T WAIT to go home Wednesday night for Thanksgiving. I am just going to veg out, watch TV, and sit on the couch all day talking to Mom. Can't wait to see Laura and Morgan and everyone! I just might do some black friday shopping as well. Toodleloooooo!

It's a bird, it's a plane....

I wish you could see better, but here we are....Falk's SUPER SPECIALS!!!!

Art teacher(Sheila) Librarian(Kim) Me and PE(Jim)

BUCKY!

This afternoon Bucky Badger came to Falk, THE REAL ONE. Ha, like he's real. The kids were going crazy for him. Because of the poverty level at my school many kids never get the chance to see a UW game or Bucky in general so they love it that he comes to them. They had about 12 band members there too, and they put on a fun little show. This all happened at our Courage Assembly so yes, I was dressed up as the music super hero yet again. I love doing that. Anyway, we were waiting to run in for our thingy and the UW band was just getting there and they ALL almost walked into the wall because they were looking at our outfits and wondering why I had a euphonium(and a pretty one if I must say so). It was pretty funny. I play the charge thing when we announce which class won the specials award and for the second time now, I nailed it! lol, yes I am lame. I had fun dancing with the kids while the band played, doing the chicken dance! So cute.

Tonight we are going to keep it low key I think. I just ate dinner and just feel like napping for 4 hours. Tomorrow we have to be up fairly early to go work the badger came with the McCormicks. Hopefully it goes by fast.

Wednesday we went to Trivia again and it was pretty fun. More people from work came out, and even drank this time. It was good to talk to some more staff and have them ask what I think, and to be honest with them about everything and feel understood. The people there maybe didn't feel the same way as me, or see things a certain way until I said it, but were nice and supportive. I def think I feel better lately because more people are finally talking to me, why did it take a quarter of the school year?! Theresa and I got a little tipsy again, her more than me because I talked so much and then we got Little Caesars on the way home. It. Was. Amazing.

Last night Theresa and I decided(Idid) to get dinner at Loredo's. Yep, we're healthy eaters. Nah, really I just have been wanting to go for weeeeeeeeeks now. It's like Madison's El Patio. We just felt like getting out, talking and having a margarita. Then we came home and decided to not waste the margarita an ddrink some more, which just made us really tired and made it hard to get up this morning. I just think it's funny that we drank just the two of us, on a school night, after conferences.

Speaking of conferences, mine were barely existent and I had 3 parents come see me. One mom and dad came to see me because their 1st graders is really shy and wanted to see how he was doing/tell me he is playing piano and doing well. Another mom talked to me because her son talks a lot and I think his regular teacher told her I have to give him a warning on his chart almost every day. Luckily, I was able to honestly say he has been doing much better, especially since getting new seating charts. She was way friendly too. The other mom who came in was the one who talked to me weeks ago about musicals and concerts. They have three girls and their dad is a music producer so they are all into it. She said her girls want to sing Party in the USA at the winter concert. Ha, doesn't bother me, if they are serious about putting something together! We also talked briefly about Mariah Carey, Whitney Houston, and Celine Dion. Heh. Overall, the day was what I expected. It was more like a work day. I wish mor eparents would come talk to me, like of the problem kids. Honestly though, those are parents that won't do anything, and clearly don't know what they are doing as parents in the first place.

Next week I am being observed by my lesbian principal(really, found that out at Trivia last week). I am not nervous at all, but I do want her to be impressed. It would just be awesome to kick ass in the class she is watching and have her be like "OH, I should try to keep her here, maybe pay some attention to her." A couple of SEA's have said really nice things to me lately about how great I am, and how different I am but that the kids love it and are learning so much more. Um, yeah going through the textbook will only get you so far. For example, one SEA was a little drunk and was like, "I mean I don't know all of the so, mi, and dos, but they are having fun!"(while doing the hand signs) I am like DUH you are learning and know it because you just showed it to me, and you don't even know it. HAHA!

So excited for my concert in December. I love this one song I decided to do yesterday. It's a late start but it is the most beautiful song for kids, and if we can pull it off you can be sure that I will cry. Something about little kid voices singing so sweetly on pitch and some pretty melody makes me emotional. Can't wait to see what happens. It has two parts so hopefully we can pull off the harmony. Time will tell...

Gonna go see if Theresa wants to go get a movie now. Have a great weekend everyone!

WOW!

Um, yeah...totally us when we're old ladies.

inner thoughts of a music teacher

Alright, well today was interesting...

I had my first visitation day for school, which basically means that the arts coordinator set up a half day where I spend time watching another music teacher in the district. I observed a teacher who taught at my school 3 years ago for one year. Apparently she didn't care for Falk and I was looking forward to meeting her, thinking that we might line up more as far as teaching philosophy. Well...I would say that it was nice to talk to someone who understands Falk. We talked about how the atmosphere is more negative there. It was nice to sort out how I feel with her that way. I like my students, feel like I've developed a good relationship with them, but it is hard to teach at Falk because the general staff there allows disrespect to happen. No one expects students to take responsibility for their actions, and own their behavior. "You have to understand where they are coming from and what their home life is like" - This is what I hear a lot. I don't see how I can settle for less than appropriate behavior, and have high expectations as far as this goes. I love my students, want to advocate for them, and also want them to know that they should be more respectful and responsible so that they can feel success. I heard a student saying something to an after school staff person along the lines of, "well, my parents will whoop me if I disrespect them, but you can't because you're a teacher!" Why is this okay? I just think that we should provide a positive environment, where they are intrinsically motivated to make good choices. The consequences for poor behavior at Falk are pathetic and have no impact. Someone, principal especially, needs to re-evaluate what is going on here. It makes it harder for a teacher, that is trying to do the right thing, to be consistent and effective. I can send a kid out to the recovery room, but I WANT to deal with conflicts/poor behavior on my own because I don't agree with the way things are done in the recovery room all of the time. It's like a kid throws a fit, waits it out, calms down, writes me a quick and meaningless sorry letter, and everyone moves on. What does that really show the kids??

And to go off on what else is on my mind... I was VERY disappointed to meet this teacher today only to find out that she pretty much only teaches stuff from K-8 magazine and MusicExpress. Now, I love both magazines and have gotten a lot of fun songs out of them, mostly for holidays and filler stuff. She is getting ready for a concert, and so I was thinking that was why it seemed like all they did was listen and sing along with a CD while doing some actions. Yes, the kids were engaged and having fun, BUT they weren't really learning anything. I think a lot of music teachers think that as long as they are engaged and loving music and singing that is enough. I don't think they realize the wealth of educational and historic songs that can teach elements of music, as well as be fun for kids. I learned this to the tenth degree last year being in a district that taught mostly using the Kodaly method because it is based on folk songs. Ok, when in theory I thought it was ridiculous that Dr. Cunningham thought we would know all of these old folk songs, and now I realize the value in those songs. I like how they have a historical purpose(ie. work songs), age appropriate melodies, and you can extend them with games. I don't use only older folk songs though. I also like finding new songs, about things in our current students lives, that are still fun but have that educational value. This music teacher today was saying that she hopes she teaches them "perhaps something about music and notes, but just to create music lovers and consumers is the goal". I think you can DO BOTH easily! Well, I shouldn't say easily, but if you do the work it is much more rewarding and effective. It is also not that hard to branch out to find more educational materials. I just think of my elementary music experience, straight out of the text book, and I don't really remember anything we did. I remember a small handful of songs, and absolutely nothing about reading music, and I wouldn't say it made me some kind of music lover. I also attribute that kind of half-ass early music education that I had to the fact that I was a timid and uncomfortable singer for many years, probably up until I student taught and had to do it all the time. I saw great music education happening every single day last year and it is disappointing to be away from it. I hate that it seems like all of the music teachers in Madison are like this too. We have two kinds, textbook teachers, and magazine teachers. The only good thing I can really see about these "styles" is that there is a large opportunity to use culturally appropriate songs and history. I would just rather push myself to find ways to do that with the way I am already doing things. I compare all of this to a middle/high school band teacher who only does pop songs or just runs music/teaches by rote. You could also compare it to a driven musician being placed in a ensemble that doesn't have as high of expectations or level of musicianship and doesn't care to improve. Frustrating...

Her classroom management was not impressive. Yes, the kids liked her and weren't killing each other. They were, however, walking around like they owned the place and interrupting her left and right. All I was thinking was "Julie put me with YOU?" Each teacher has their own style of classroom management though, and some are more comfortable this type of atmosphere. I just think you can have tons of fun, connect with students, while keeping things efficient and productive. I should not have to let kids go off on other topics just so they get a chance to share. If it applies and it is a quick story, by all means then share, but we don't need to waste 5 minutes flipping a flip form over to see what is underneath "just to get our curiosity out of the way". No, they don't need to see, move on and get them interested in what you are doing. Duh. This teacher said, "ready?" like a million times a class, and I thought of when Dr. Heidel pointed out that I kept doing that. I realized how annoying it is, and I am glad that I stopped doing it. I am very careful with my language in general and how I articulate directions, etc. and I am thankful that I have come so far in that area in the last couple of years.

Is it bad that I think I am a better music teacher than a lot of the ones in my district, as a second year teacher??? I feel like a student teacher could learn a lot from me already. I can't wait to have one some day. Now, I TOTALLY am not saying that I have everything down, and that my way is the best. I just think that because of my passion for being a great music teacher I work really hard to do a good job. My lesson plans are very thorough and efficient, and they cover ALL elements of music. I like the variety in my plans and think I understand kids interests and abilities so this helps me. I just miss being around other good teachers daily. I am very reflective and always am looking for new materials and ideas, and I just feel like many teachers take the easy way out. Where can I find other teachers that love learning how to make themselves and their students be the best they can be? Can't wait to see what happens next year.

Oh man, that was a long rant, but I knew it would be driving away from that school today.

This weekend was Erin's Bridal Shower and Bachelorette Party. The shower was boring and the party started that way, but later turned out to be an awesome night. It's like, drink drink drink not drunk yet, OOPS WASTED! I am a little embarrassed that Mom and Dad saw me drunk, although Dad was drunk soooo...awesome. I have never seen him drunk, it was awesome. Erin's friends are all young and skinny(lightweights), so not that fun for us. We didn't see many people from high school out so that was also a relief. Pat had fun with the guys, and he was also funny drunk at the end of the night. At the bacc party we all had to take a blank outline of a guy and draw our dream guy on it, and it was funny. MOM'S!!! EW, she drew a hairy guy and we were like, "DAD?" and she was like, "No, it's for Erin I thought!" Whatever, weird. Theresa's was too realistic it was creepy, mine sucked, and Shannon copied the penis on mine which was funny. Basically she had a anime guy with a big dick. Christa's guy had a funny shaped penis that looked like a barbell and Christines had a red pen so she made a guy with a red afro and huge pubes, gross. One of the ladies there drew a guy in some kind of S&M clothes which was awkward. We also played a relay game where you had to try to get a roll of toilet paper that was in between your legs onto someone else's broomstick, also between their legs. Guess you'd have to be there. Stout Ale House service sucked yet again. I think that I am going to write them a letter to complain. We had a large group so gratuity was included, but service was horrible. They forgot things, messed up orders, and one girl had a raw, pink burger. They told another girl she couldn't order a grasshopper because they were busy. Wtf? It was a Saturday night, and the capacity in that place is like 800. There could not have been more than 200 there. She was a bitch too. My nachos sucked. Anyways, it was a fun weekend. It went by way too fast and when we left home Saturday after going out, I started crying hugging Mom. Ha, I was drunk too so that didn't help.

This is a short week. We have conferences on Thursday so no classes. It should be an easy day for me. I just have to get through tomorrow, day of whatever I want, and then Friday. On Friday Bucky Badger is coming with some cheerleaders and a small group of Badger Band people. It should be fun, but I am just annoyed that all these teachers expect me to teach about the badger band. Excuse, but what is there to teach. I'll spend 10 minutes on it, but not weeks. Give me a break. I have so many other things to focus on, like a concert.

I am feeling better, as far as health, this week. I still have gunk up in hur. At times I will have an annoying and suffocating coughing fit, and feel a little stuffed up in the morning, but I am fine most of the time. That's a relief. Now, we just need to start working out way more often. We have slacked hard core, and the scale is starting to show it. geh, I like working out when I am there, and it always feels great afterwords, but dragging myself there is the problem. We only have a month until Pat and Erin's wedding so hopefully we can still make some progress. I tried my dress on this weekend and it fits really well, but it'd be nice to lose just a little bit, and go tanning too.

Ok, long post. If you made it to the end, good for you! You are a true friend, ha. Oh I like how last time the only comments I got were from Becky and Theresa. Cmon people, leave me a laugh!

Have a great night!

McDonalds :/

Theresa and I just had McDonalds for dinner and not only do I feel guilty, I feel crappy, gassy, and greasy. Eh, oh well.

Today I didn't go to school. I just felt like ass last night. This whole week was rough actually. Monday afternoon my throat hurt pretty bad and the old music teacher was subbing at Falk so I asked her to do my Tuesday afternoon. She did, and after napping and getting a good night's rest I felt like I could get through Wednesday. We had professional development in the morning and I didn't want to miss it. Theresa subbed for me that morning while I was in the meeting and then I got back to my room and did two kindergarten classes, realizing I actually didn't feel fine anymore. It is so freakin hot in my room and dry, so I think that makes everything worse. So, I went and talked to Ann who was there again and she said she'd prefer not to sub today for me. That was fine and Jeff(a 38 year old SEA who goes out every night) was trying to get us to go out to this bar after school for trivia night. After lunch I tried teaching my first of four straight 2/3 classes and realized I had no energy and had a huge headache. We watched movies and I just sat there. I thought going out afterward might get rid of my headache. We met up with Jeff and his other alcoholic friends, and it was alright. There was an awkward situation with this Asian friend of his...We are glad we went out, to break the ice and stuff. But we basically got way too tipsy and realized it was working on our headaches and left around 7:30. It was one of the worst headaches I have had, I felt really nauseous and could NOT think. So I tried calling in to the sub thing because I couldn't plan for myself, or for a music sub if I wanted to. The thing was being stupid and I ended up having to call my secretary at home. Anyways, she set it up, I had some random sub today who just watched movies I guess. I woke up feeling much better, but I still feel tired and exhausted. I wouldn't be surprised if I had mono or something. It's like when I am sitting I feel fine and it makes me feel guilty for not going to school, and at the same time both times I tried to teach my classes as a regularly do I was way way way exhausted. Anyways, I just hope I can make it through tomorrow which the mindset that it is Friday. Mary Neff is observing my kindergarten classes tomorrow because she has to observe children that are different from her, aka black. I also have a meeting with my principal in the afternoon regarding the 4/5 concert in December. I planned all the music for the concert, and have worked out a ton of details. Hopefully when we meet I can smooth out the rest, and just work on getting the kids ready from here on out. I feel like this concert is a huge opportunity to "prove" myself, for lack of a better word, to the other teachers and parents. I know many kids like me, but 4/5's have been my hardest classes this year. They are bigger, way behind, and have challenging personalities. Apparently there is a big problem with student/parent turn out at concerts so I am having an after school pizza party and movies to keep kids there. I really hope it helps.

Anyways, Theresa and I watched Lion King the other night. What a great movie. Oh man. I think we need to watch Pocahontas next. OH, Community is on, I like that show a lot.

This weekend we are going to Menomonie for Erin's(future SIL) Bridal Shower and Bachelorette Party. It's a Christmas theme, kind of lame but hopefully it will be a good time. I am just looking forward to spending some time at home, hopefully with Mom and Dad. We'll probably leave around 4 tomorrow, stop at Ho Chunk as we have made a tradition out of playing a few dollars on the penny slots, and then go to EC for the night. Saturday is home, and Sunday hopefully. I also hope I can see Morgan again, she's getting so big!

Next week is pretty random too. I have a visitation day with another music teacher in the district, who also spent one year at Falk(and didn't like it....hmmmm). That will be nice to get another perspective on this district and elementary music in general. Wednesday is a new music teacher meeting at the district office. I have no clue what that will be like, but maybe I will get to know the other new teachers better. Thursday we don't have school for conferences. Hopefully no big momma comes to yell at me for anything. I have to think of something interesting for conferences so I actually get parents down to the music room. Suggestions??? Ugh, today my report card write up was due to the secretary and I forgot since I was gone, but I am sure she understands. We don't do specials grade for 1st quarter, which is dumb in a way, so I just have to write up what we have done per grade. I hate that I don't know what it should include or look like. I don't want to over do it and have everyone think I am a loser, but I don't want to be so vague that parents think we haven't done anything.

Alright, well I guess I'll stop the blog now. Just writing pointless thoughts anyways.

Leave me a funny comment, a good laugh would be much appreciated, like "Has this screen always been like a bite outta crime?" or whatever becky said about their window.

November already!

Well, lots to update? I guess so anyways...

Convention was alright, not really worth all the money but thankfully we live in town so that helps. I am glad I experienced it finally too. I got a few really great ideas for school. I really liked watching the guy who taught the sessions on Middle Eastern and African American music. I mean, it always seems like it is harder for me to catch on to learning songs in a different language and everyone else seems to get it after one run through. I always felt that way after Orff and Kodaly workshops last year too. He was really good though, and I am always in awe of good teachers, and just picture what their classes must be like. I think my favorite session was the one on improvisation in the elementary music class. I guess it is one of those things I had the least experience with, as far as the elements go. I also liked realizing that some of the things I already do, with vocal exploration for example, really are a form of improvisation. With kids it is all about basic stuff, so it's not like improvising with a jazz band. They can just make up a 4 beat response to nonsense words/syllables. Anyways, rant.

We all went to Essenhaus Thursday night. By all, I mean Ashley, Lauren, Theresa, Rick, Justina, her bf, and me. It was unexpectedly fun. We drank too much I am sure, and made asses of ourselves. BUT I enjoyed Rick so much that night, holy hilarious. It was a fun place, not too cheap but worth the experience. I'd consider going there again if we ever have more visitors.

Halloween - I had some really fun times and I was also disappointed a bunch. State street is way too crazy. It was fun to see the funny costumes. We had a lot of fun getting ready and before we left for State St. Then it was just too crowded and we had to wait forever to get a drink, get into a bar, or go to the bathroom so I was more or less sober when we got back to the apartment. Then me and Becky and Theresa and Rick slept in my room/closet and at least ended the night laughing at stupid shit. Again, Rick was a blast.

The next morning we went to Perkins and I didn't realize Errin and her friends were leaving straight from there, or I wouldn't have left after I paid my bill. Truth is, I was just really emotional(yet again) and felt sad that Yakob wouldn't just meet us for 5 minutes. I just miss MY friends, and I don't have many. I was bummed that Joe and Stephanie couldn't make it, Errin brought friends and was off with them, and Yakob stood me up. It was just disappointing because I have felt so sad, lonely, and depressed lately. I wanted it to be a good time.

Wednesday night as everyone was starting to get in, I got a call from Dennis. We talked for about 1hr and I kept trying to get off the phone because we had people arriving and stuff. He just kept talking, and we clearly have so much to catch up on so I told him to call me again. SO, he called 15 minutes later and we talked a bit more. It was just...weird? I mean, I love talking to Dennis. He's a great guy, and we've always been able to talk easily. Since I've been so lonely it was nice to talk to someone I felt really knew me, but at the same time disappointing because I feel like he is going off getting married and settling for a half-ass relationship. I've always felt that way about them, and it could be the circumstances that we broke up and he started dating her right away. They've been together more or less ever since, but I do know that she cheated on him a few years ago and they broke up for a bit. I feel like he took her back because of comfort or something. I just never think cheating is okay, ever. Everyone has their experiences and their beliefs but I just don't know how it gets that far. Anyways, who knows I told him I'd love to talk more often, but it'll probably be another few months. I don't want to call him and have Kristin get pissed. Geh.

Justina met her boyfriend, who was awesome btw, on match.com. Maybe I should go on there, cripes. I miss being close to someone and want to move on with my life, but it just doesn't feel right anyways. I know that might just be because I haven't met anyone lately who I would ever be interested in. I don't know, I have just been flat out depressed. I feel like crying all the time, and lately I have been. I just don't know if I am that depressed or if my hormones are messed up or what. I just feel alone, and like no one cares about me, and like I've lost anything good in my life.

Job is still okay, but I am consistently disappointed in that no other staff care to make me feel welcome, besides the librarian and art teacher. I am getting all of my things together for my 4th/5th grade concert in December. I hope I pull it off alright. I left school after lunch today because I was feeling kind of sick last night and asked the retired music teacher if she'd be interested in subbing for me if I didn't feel better. She could only do the afternoon so I guess that's what I asked her to do. I could have stayed all day, but let's face it I needed a mental health afternoon. I would take tomorrow off for more mental health, but we have staff development and knowing my luck my sickness would kick into full force in a few days when I need to actually be gone.

I just don't think I can describe how I feel lately. Not to be a downer, but I thought it would pass. I find myself so sensitive, emotional, and drained. I feel like Josh is completely shutting me out of his life. If that's what he wants, whatever. I am just disappointed because I thought we could be friends. This is what I did to him at points this summer, but I was mad and dealing with a fresh wound. Now, I just wonder if he is flat over it all, or mad at me, or in love with another person or what. I just feel like a major retard trying to talk to him, because it feels one-sided and like he is so uninterested in my life, along with everyone else. So the death of our regular friendship has been hard on me. It will never be normal again.

I just don't know. I JUST DON'T KNOW! Please don't comment, I only find it awkward. (although I appreciated MOST of the other comments on my last post on friends).

blah

Here I sit, another week has gone by. I haven't wanted to blog lately, perhaps it's too much work, and also I just don't know how much of my feelings I can really articulate, let alone in a public blog. I guess I will try because it might make me feel better...

so...where to start...Homecoming. It was alright. It always feels good to get out and do something different, and see different people, etc. I found myself just feeling depressed after the weekend though. I mean, not like cut yourself and want to commit suicide, but I just feel lost. I do not have any friends. I know a lot of people, and I am surface friends with them, but really no one that I was dying to see. The subject of friends is a touchy subject with me currently. On one hand, I want friends because I want to talk to people, laugh, and all that. At the same time, everyone annoys me here(besides Theresa) and I feel like my opportunity to be close friends with many people in EC has passed. It can be really hard now that I realize how much Josh and I shared and talked. In no way am I saying I regret my decision, but it does suck to lose a friend. Even though we are "friends" it will never be the same. Most of the people I know from EC were more friends with Becky and mostly Theresa(social butterfly). Unfortunately, I have been getting way down on myself lately because I feel like this is all my fault for being a "homebody" and a bit of a bitch? I don't know. I guess I just never saw the value of being fake with people and pretending to care about stupid shit just to fit in. Maybe that costed me some friends. I also was always stretched thin as far as being busy, and lord knows I love my "me time", even if it is just sitting around being lazy. If I was not down here with Theresa I have no clue how I would be surviving. And the worst thing is when everyone tries to tell me that it's some adjustment and all just relating to change. I've gone through changes, I have been in new places with new people, and I have always been fine. I am also not saying that it has nothing to do with it, but I just don't want to hear the generic shit I guess.
It's really been bugging me, also, that my family seems to not even care if I exist. All drama aside, I really do wonder if my parents ever think about me. It is how I honestly feel to say that I know they assume since I am with Theresa that I am fine. I love a big family, but fuck I just want some attention sometimes. I know that they love me and care about me so much. I just wish they knew how to make the time to show it. BUT then I wonder, do I make the time to show THEM?...I just don't know. I have only talked to my parents 4 times since August 29th and each time it's for a few minutes it feels like. I know I could talk more if I made the effort to call them, but it just feels like I am bothering them. I cannot stand when I am talking to Mom and she is having side conversations with my little siblings. "Oh Scott, can you pick that up?" That type of shit. I know she hates that it happens sometimes too, but I just don't understand why she won't email me, or call me when she has a chance, even late at night. At the same time, I have nothing to say to my parents really. I could talk and talk and talk about my job, but I've learned that no one wants to hear it. Well, I shouldn't say it that way, but I also know that there are so many things going through my head regarding school that I don't know where to begin and so I tend to just not talk about it. It's weird that Theresa talks more about her subbing jobs than I talk about my job. The weekend before homecoming we were home and not 5 minutes after we walked in the door, mom and dad went to Eau Claire for the day to get shit for the cabin. That's all they care about, I swear. It just felt like a slap in the face. We tried to just use it as an opportunity to spend time with the little kids, but it would be nice to feel a connection to my own parents again. See? I shouldn't have even tried to write about this heavy stuff. It's making me sound like a melodramatic baby. So I will continue!
My job is not horrible, I repeat, not horrible. I don't want people to think I hate Falk. I really like having a job, I enjoy working with these kids. While there are behavior problems, I still feel a strong desire to be an advocate for each student, and help them be successful in school and out. If I leave next year, I really would miss these kids too. It's more that I feel like the school is not as fulfilling. The teachers don't collaborate enough, pretend things are great when they are not, and they just settle for what they think is enough. I am just so opposite of that mindset that it drives me crazy. I want to get things done, come up with new ideas, make the best of every situation, and all of the typical stuff. I just don't relate to any of the staff there well at this point. I have a people I talk to, and they are very very nice, but I can't say I think that they "get" me. I WISH I WAS IN OWATONNA. I was just in the ideal place for me, only to not be able to be back there. I am learning a lot here, and it will make me a better teacher. I just try to challenge myself, recognize my hard work, and do the very best I can for my kids. It's fricken exhausting. I am really bonding with some kids. I am also getting into sorting through the room, and making it my own.

Alright, enough bitching. This morning I kind of strained a muscle or something. The middle of my back, kind of where my bar is, is just really sore and tight. I made it through the day, but it got progressively worse. I laid down with my heating pad and took some IBprofen after school. I think it feels a little better. We are now watching Wheel of Fortune, having a typical Soules sister night. I have a little stuff to do for school, but I think we will be watching Edward scissorhands later.

I think I am going to go to the dentist for a cleaning, and ask them about my wisdom teeth again. I mean, I keep biting my cheek in the back and it's getting ridiculous. My dentist in Lakeville had a theory that if he pulled them out my cheeks would just adjust and more or less sink into the next teeth anyways, meaning I'd still bite them. At the time it made sense, and I didn't want to have to pay to remove them. Now, it seems a little silly and I would set up a payment plan if I could stop biting my teeth. PLUS, I think I bite my tongue/cheek in my sleep and clench my jaw. I don't know. I really don't think I could sleep with a mouthguard though. I know Chelsea sleeps with one, but knowing me and my clausterphobia I think it would be bad.

Ok, long story short, I am feeling like empty and lonely and crappy lately, but I do not want advice or fake put-ups. Thanks "friends".

Getting things done...

I am feeling pretty good lately about getting some things done that I have really put off. I mean, I guess I shouldn't feel so good since I should have done them before and I have not been working out like I should either, but I am going to still be happy.

Last night I did a couple loads of laundry and spent the whole night doing things for school, and NOT lesson plans. I figured out what I am roughly doing the rest of the month and in November, made some leeway on my 4/5 grade concert in December, and went through many music catalogues trying to figure out how to spend my budget. I turned in a few orders today, and still need to finish up a few more that involve websites instead of teacher catalogues. I don't have a ton to spend so I am trying to be smart. I am also trying to really buy things that can go a long way, but enable me to do a lot of the cool things I was able to do in Owatonna. I think I might seriously invest in an ipod for school. Still don't know, it'd be SO nice to not switch out CDs and keep track of what song is what number on what CD in what CD space of the stereo. Ugh, I know.

Tonight I am going to continue my budget stuff, and clean the bathroom and vacuum the apartment. It needs it. I am also going to pack for the weekend and figure out what all I have to do before we leave for EC. I am sort of excited to go to homecoming, but I'd be lying if I said I think it's going to earth shattering. I am just hoping to get away, have more than a few laughs, and not feel like I am unprepared for the weekend. I also hope that I feel refreshed after this weekend, rather than a huge yearning to stay there or Menomonie for a few more days. Sunday we are going to Menomonie to see Angie from HS's baby. She's over 10months old, and I've never seen her. I am also going to pick up a coat rack that Dad made for my room so that the kindergarteners can hang up their coats they bring to music before lunch. Right now they are throwing them into a pile and then we spend way too long at the end of class digging for coats and fighting for crap like that.

I really like the secretaries at my school. It's not like we have some personal bond, it's more like they are so nice, and get their shit done AND FAST. They do a really good job, and especially Cindy is so organized. I love it. I can't wait to organize my room, side note I guess.

I love October because teaching Halloween songs for music class is so fun. There are SO MANY cool Halloween songs and activities. I don't just sing the songs that have Halloween words, but I have good educational stuff that I can pull out rhythms/pitches we are working on, do pitch matching, and incorporate literacy stuff too. Rattlin' Bones here we come. Plus, I heard that you can read Where the Wild Things Are while playing In the Hall of the Mountain King so I might just try that out since the movie is out tomorrow. Wouldn't that be fun? I am a nerd.

Well, time to get back to being productive. That seems to be the theme of most blogs I read of other people's. Oh well. See you on the flip side of homecoming blogisphere.

6 weeks done!

I have completed 6 weeks of school, and I can't believe it's already Oct. 9th. How bizarre! This week was maybe one of the "best" weeks that I have had so far. Really, I just haven't had the behavior issues I had before. There are still issues, don't get me wrong, but they are not as often. I only had to call the recovery room once this week, and that was because this girl came over on a rampage after phy ed and when I tried to call the recovery room she kept pressing buttons on the phone. I had to send a kid down to get her teacher because there was no one in the recovery room, and I had to hold her and she started stomping on my feet and kicking my shins. I am just glad that she didn't really hurt me because she's small. It seems like kids at school are really emotional lately. It sounds like they all have so much going on at home. These kids hate when people say things about their mom too(ie. YOUR MOM...!) I have had many students argue or physically start to fight over comment about their mom. Anyways, sorry so much about school, yet again.

I have been saving pictures from online to print for our frames and albums in the apartment. We have really old pictures/store model pictures in our frames. I realized how little pictures there are that are the long way. It will be nice to get that done next week, complete the love nest a little more. We also bought a britta water filter for our kitchen sink. AWESOME! Now our water doesn't taste like chlorine. I'll probably become much more hydrated as a result of this.

I got my hair cut a week ago and the stupid lady butchered my bangs. She cut them REALLY short(we're talking like 1/2 inch above the tops of my eyebrows) and they are CROOKED! I was so embarrassed, but of course I didn't have the balls to complain. Plus, I couldn't see without my glasses on and I hate when they are standing there and want you to check it out. it's awkward. So, I have been pinning them back, which basically means that I have to wear my hair in a ponytail. I just don't like doing that every day. I'll "pull myself together", and have a friggin pony tail pulled straight back. So, today I decided they were for a week, studies say 1/8 inch in that time so I was like screw it, and wore them down. I felt self conscious all day, but hopefully I didn't make a total ass of myself. I just have to act surprised all day and raise my eyebrows, haha.

I am watching Rachel Ray right now. I have only seen it a couple of times, but the meatballs with cheese sauce that she made looks amazing. I am waiting for Theresa to get home from subbing. It's so strange to have her be "working" when I am the one at home waiting. I get done early on Fridays so that is why I got home around 1pm today. I am going to try to do some Monday plans now though so I can enjoy the weekend. EC/Menomonie - Here I come!

Please write more everyone, AHEM YAKKO.

Post during commercials...

That is what I am currently doing while watching my favorite show, The Biggest Loser. Yah! I love Tuesdays...

Ha! I hate Tracy on BL and I am happy she can't work out. I still don't understand what her injury is exactly. Poor Coach Mo, just wish he'd get a real name.

Theresa and I just got back from working out. Last week I was busy and didn't get in there for way too long. Now I am sore from last night, so tonight was tiring as well. I want to get into a better routine for what time we go though. I liked going at night last year, but I am thinking Theresa and I should go around 4 after school, come home and eat dinner, and then do whatever else we have to do. We'll see, at least we are going again. I am a tad PO'ed that Theresa burns way more calories than me when we are doing the exact same thing. Does weight make that big of a difference? Ugh.

School has been okay so far this week. I am really pushing myself to pack my lessons full of interesting things and variety of skills(reading, writing, decoding), as well as the kind of activity(visual, aural, kinesthetic). I just love being silly with the kindergarteners and 1st graders. They believe anything, it's like playing for 30 minutes. Today some teachers were talking about a particular student who is difficult to manage at times, and through talking I discovered that some teachers think he might have Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. Now, for me this is so weird. I never even thought to consider that when I considered other labels like ADHD, EBD, etc. It's sad to think of how many of my kids might have FAS and I wouldn't neccessarily know. I mean, with the poverty and sort of "ghetto-ness" that my school feeds from, I guess I shouldn't be surprised. It's just....sad. I don't know. Tomorrow is my fullest day so hopefully it goes by fast and easy, and then I can coast through Thursday and Friday and it will be yet another week finished(and without me calling in sick to boot). Next week Theresa is subbing for me all day while I go to an all day New Teacher workshop that the district requires. I can't WAIT to see what her day is like as me. Ha, of course she'll be playing a movie or something easy, but I still can't predict what the kids will do to her.

Last week I went to Kyle Peterson's school and helped him have kids try out and pick instruments. It was very nice to see him again, and be around a familiar face again. It was also nice to have something going on at night so I didn't just sit at home and watch TV. I am glad I got a little band fix in there too. I liked seeing another Madison school, and while it is a middle school and on the east side, I still felt like Kyle can understand somewhat of what I am going through. I also got to chit chat with Jess last night and that was much needed, wish we could have talked longer.

I am excited to go home this weekend. I haven't been to Menomonie or EC since Christine's bday which was August 29th. I haven't seen Morgan since a week before that too. We are going home for her baptism, or christening or WHATEVER. Clearly, I just want to see her. I know she has gotten much older and bigger. Darn babies, they grow up too fast. I am happy to see my whole family again. I want to talk to Laura about school, and I want to talk to my mom and dad about my job, and I want to see how scott likes 7th grade and the tenor sax, and see how Shannon and Chrissy are doing at good ole MHS. I mean, I keep in touch with them with facebook, but it's not the same. Shannon will probably be happy to see me only because I am giving her my old phone now that I got a new one. I think Saturday we will go see the BMB again in Chippewa Falls. I don't think we will leave until Saturday after sleeping in though. I really need Friday night to do school stuff, and to relax and not be stuck in a car. We can still workout and then leave Saturday.

THEN HOMECOMING! Yes, I am a huge nerd and I think it's cool to go back still. Well, really I just can't wait to hang out and drink with friends, and see the band, and hopefully maybe some teachers. I am going to have fun, no regrets, but I will not drink as fast as I did last year. THAT was ridiculous.

I have had some really funny times with Theresa as of late. OH MY GOD, seriously. I wish everyone could have triplet sisters, and do things that make things very funny. We drew each other the other night, and I could just pee. Wow. Also, we recording a message for Becky that is ridiculous and turns out it is too long to send. Ha.

Last weekend, Theresa and I went to Greendale to see Becky and Rick and the rest of the BMB( I know no one in there anymore). Yakob met up with us and it was a fun time, maybe not super crazy but worthwhile. I wish Yakob could live with us. heehee.

I am trying to think of something funny the kids said as a send off for this blog. Hmmmm, I'll give it another try on the next commercial break...

"HEY! WHERE'S MY MOM?!" Trevor to the secretary as I walked in behind him.
me "Hey Trevor, where's my mom?"
Trevor "YOU don't have a mom"
me"Oh really? How did I get here then?"
Trevor "You got here in a car because you are an adult. You don't have a mom because you have a husband instead!"
me "Well, I don't have a husband, so can I keep my mom for awhile?"
Trevor "Huh? No."

This is the same kid who LOVES getting falcon feathers and when he gets one he holds it like gold. He has a hard time putting it in his pocket because it will bend, but sometimes we need both hands for a game or something. It's funny, I talked to his mom about it the other day because she works at school for lunch duty or something. Today she came up to me, and apparently he slept with her last night. In his sleep he said, " I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO PUT MY FALCON FEATHER!" Haa, oh kids. They are little pieces of golden rod paper with a falcon on it. Get over it.

Well, I am going to get back to Biggest Loser. Hope everyone is having a great October so far!

Almost Friday

Well, I have a pretty boring life so I don't know how much I will have to write about. On the other hand I could start and not be able to stop soooo....

Last night Jim Geddes came to visit. We went to Cheeseburger in Paradise and had some decent food. Ate too much, but sometimes you just have to let go. The problems start when you let go every other day. Today I have eaten really good so far so hopefully that helps. Anyways, it was nice to catch up with him a bit. I haven't hung out with him in a smaller group setting before but it was nice. Also nice to have a change of pace during the week. We also watched So You Think You Can Dance before he left. It was fun. I like the judges on that show, so funny.

Then Theresa and I watched Glee. I've decided to LOVE that show. I laughed my ass off when they were dancing to Beyonce. Awesome, just great.

Tonight should be like any other night. Eat dinner with Theresa and work out, otherwise watch pointless television. I am hoping I can convince her to go to the library with me. We keep planning on opening accounts there and don't! It's frustrating, but life just keeps flying by I guess. It will be nice to read before bed. I think we will sleep better. I have a couple of books that I hope to find at this library. If anyone knows of any other good books, let me know. I tend to like sad, emotional, crazy books. I am creepy I know, but I like reading about abuse, accidents, death, love, etc. I guess those things just hold my attention.

School has been pretty good this week. I can't complain. I haven't sent a kid to the recovery room in a few days. I have given out much less fix-its. Behavior is still one of the things I have to work so so so hard at every single day. I am successful with it, as much as any other teacher there I think. It's just exhausting. I am growing to know the kids so much better as well. They love to hug me and say hi to me in the hall now. It's been awhile since I have had that. It feels awesome, it makes me miss the kids from Owatonna a lot too. I have gotten into the content more at school, but they are SO BELOW where you'd think they would be academically that I have been spending all of my time reviewing and assessing what they really know. They are okay with rhythms(some) and most of them are CLUELESS when it comes to reading pitches on a staff. Today a mom came in and asked me about musicals and concerts. I had no clue what to tell her. I really need to meet with my principal and figure out how all of that works here. Before she told me not to worry about yet. In Owatonna things were already set, they had a tradition and all that. Here, all thirty something elementary music teachers do something different. Falk Elem. has had 4 music teachers in the past 5 years so(including me now) and they have all been different too. I'd like to keep something the same, but I do NOT want to do a blues theme and totally focus on OH HEY WE ARE BLACK KIDS. No thanks. I am all for appreciating culture and motivating students to embrace that, but I just want to have a more well rounded program than that. For example, if I do some kind of world music program, I would do a huge variety of cultures, not just african american songs. We have so many more cultures in the school too, plus we have a 30% white culture and don't forget it. I would rather pick a theme like underwater, or time travel, or seasons, or nature so that I can do WHATEVER I want with it. Sorry, I totally got side tracked talking about school there. Woooooooo.

Becky and Rick might come to Madison this weekend and I AM SOOOO HAPPY! I honestly miss Becky a lot. I think I am really excited to see them, and also to have them see our place and understand what our life is like down here. Maybe we can even stop by school and look in my room. I don't care if we get drunk or whatever, I am just happy to see them and have fun conversations and all that stuff. I am also really excited for homecoming. I am already budgeting gas, alcohol, food, and EL PATIO HEAVEN. :) Can.Not.Wait.

So, I know people don't care about school, but I thought you might like to hear some funny things that happen.
1. We give out Falcon Feathers when kids are caught being good. It's a yellow little slip of paper. I hear kids yelling in the halls to each other about them and it sounds, I shit you not, like they are yelling, "I GOT A FUCKIN FATHER"
2. A skunk sprayed near the school, and then when the kids were complaining about the smell, a kid ripped a giant fart, and we probably wasted 10 minutes laughing.
3. I have a kindergartener that always yells, "WHAT THE?!"
4. A 4th grade boy, who is always shy, quiet, and well behaved, was all red in the face, and was covering his mouth looking at the ground, so I asked him what was wrong and this was his responce..."well, you see, sometimes I get addicted to laughing and um...I just have a hard time not laughing at everything." WTF?! I laughed so hard.
5. A kindergartener sneezed and then started to sneeze again but nothing happened(like it passed), and she goes, "OH, that was it I guess!"
6. At morning duty this black girl said, "This is mah rul hair, it ain't no weave you know"
ahhh, kids can be so funny.

Everyone write more!

Wednesday nights!

I am watching Glee for the first time. It's alright. I like the little funny things, but it's not holding my attention. Hmmm...will judge later.

Speaking of judging, the judges on SYTYCD are cracking me up at how they cry at the drop of a hat. I shouldn't say that because someone will literally now use a hat as a prop and touch their hearts. It's good to have the show back on though. Also nice to have another night with something good on TV to watch while working out.

I have been thinking tonight about my friends. Some are cool, and some I am realizing are really not my kind of friend. I don't know why or how to describe what I am thinking. I guess I just sometimes realize in reading blogs or facebook, etc. I realize how different I am from certain people and that the only reason we are friends is because of common friends or we were in some kind of group together and now that we don't have that there it seems pointless to even care. NOT that I am a mean and careless person, but I am more trying to ask myself why I care so much what other people think all of time. Woah, stupid rant. Sorry.

I am so glad we don't have much going on this weekend. I would love to catch up and get ahead on school stuff. Figure out my next couple of weeks. I guess Mary Neff might visit but that would only be one day. I haven't been sleeping well at all lately. I have not been able to turn my brain off, and my mind races literally all night. I think of things like school, the future, someone breaking in our apartment(even though I feel safe there), the skunk outside and skunk information, commercials, dating(I had one dream that I started dating my imaginary gynocologist - omg did I just admit that?) and many many more random things. It's bizarre! I think I will sleep better once I stop eating crap or start working out more, or get used to the temperature in my room and new blanket. I can't really hear the traffic outside at all so that's not it. Theresa has been having trouble too, but at least she gets to sleep in as long as she wants. I hate getting up at 6:15(and then pressing snooze until 6:35am-oops). I just got through my longest two days so hopefully the rest of the week will go by fast.

I won't even get into what school has been like this week. It's had ups and more downs that usual. I mean, it was just a difficult week and I wouldn't say I am discouraged but I am feeling like it's harder to be motivated. Does that make sense? I guess I just need a day off.

Alright, gonna finish up Glee and go work out. Leave comments, please?

Getting hot!

Well, Theresa and I just got back from getting memberships at Anytime Fitness. I am so excited to get back into working out, plus this time we have unlimited tanning. I won't go overboard but it will be nice to have a base tan in the winter months. I always feel so much better when I am tan, plus my skin is better and tanning is VERY relaxing for me. Theresa and I are starting to go tomorrow night when...DAH DAH DAH...Biggest Loser starts! AHHHHH, I am so happy. You are rolling your eyes thinking I am ridiculous. I don't care though, I love watching that show. I am going to try to lose 15 lbs by Christmas. No, not try, I AM going to lose 15lbs by Christmas. ha.
I have a lot of school crap to do tonight. I don't know why I am procrastinating either. I guess I just wanted a break from it for a while. Today I only had 5 classes. We have early releases on Mondays so teachers can meet and committees, etc. Today I didn't even had any meetings so after my class was done at 11:15 I just took a long lunch break with the art teacher and chatted. Then I spent the rest of the afternoon doing small piddly little things that I have been avoiding(not as much as I am avoiding my lesson plans though). I found out that they dropped a class from my schedule too and I will be PISSED if they bump me down from .90 to something lower. I already seemed like I should be .95 or something. With this dropped class I can actually see myself having a .90 schedule. The art teacher lost 2 so she will probably have to pick some more up at another school to make full time. Anyways, no one cares...
This weekend was fun. Theresa and I hung out Friday, went to Chili's, and watched TV. Saturday Fat Z came and we got crazy, as always. I drank to fast, as always. I needed to go to sleep and apparently after that Fat puked a couple of times. Thank goodness Theresa is a tank and can document it all on facebook and tell us what we wouldn't remember. Seriously, that girl can drink twice as much as me and be standing tall, enjoying every second of every night. It was for sure fun though, and I hope more people visit again soon. Kathy was going to come this weekend but now she might come next weekend. We are going to play sega, and read my old diaries. I guess we are going to Fort next weekend to hang out with Mary Neff. That could be fun too. I was looking through possible weekends to go to EC and I don't think we will be back until Oct 17th or whatever homecoming is. That's fine I guess. It will have been almost 8 weeks for me at that time. Seems long, but I will still see people in between. I think in a couple weeks we will venture over to the Greendale exhibition show that BMB is going to be at. I think that Becky and Rick should come down next weekend with Kathy too.
OK, I'll stop. Bye!

Where to begin???

I don't even know what I need to update on. So much has happened lately, and so if I repeat myself I am sorry.

I start school last Tuesday, Sept. 1st. It was an...interesting day. I thought most of my classes went well, better than expected, and a couple were HORRIBLE! Since then, I have learned to deal with those classes that I struggled with so much on that first day and the few stinkers in each class that can potentially destroy my plans. AND when I say that I learned how to deal with them, I mean it is getting better each day and I am working my ass off to make things better for all of us. I really need to plan a fun variety of games and be careful of how I present everything. It is so exhausting, but it works. You might be thinking DUH, but really I have to plan more for kids that need to move, and more for kids that need something for their friggin mouth to do other than talk. It's going to a be a challenge to constantly come up with ways to keep these kids under control, but so far I am keeping up. It has helped behavior problems, they don't like sitting out, and I think they are liking me more and more.
Since I am just rambling, you will see random new paragraphs form here and there, ha. Today I tried a new activity with balloons and mallets. Basically the concept is to show them that we cannot hit too hard with the mallets, as well as going over basic procedures for using mallet instruments(ie. how to use their "shoulder holders" AKA get those fricken mallets up and quiet!)I was really scared to use the balloons because it might cause chaos, but I was also thinking about how motivating it would be to behave so you could play with a balloon. Some classes it went one way, and with some the other, but overall I think I could use it again. I just need to be quicker to take balloons away if kids are messing around with them.
I have really gotten into playing games and trying to figure out what they reeeally know about music. They are decent at reading rhythm(while still far behind Owatonna, I think it's to be expected). They really seem to not have a clue as to reading pitches, although they've heard and sang in solfege. Today I taught some of the hand signs, and tried to approach it more like a challenge rather than something the kids had to do with singing because I said so. They did pretty good and seemed to actually like using them. As far as their singing, some kids are ballsy and sing out, others are quiet but match pretty darn good, and others just don't know how yet. I thought more kids would just not try, and think it was "STUPID"(they yell everything btw), but really if I just say "everyone needs to do it" then they actually do, especially if they have to sing to play an instrument or get a turn. The little kids are ruuuuuuuuuuul cute! I forget how basic things are in the beginning for young grades, like teaching kids about singing vs. speaking voices and high/low and fast/slow. This kid cried today because he didn't think he could hold the tiny hand drum in one hand and play with the other. I think he thought that he needed to set it on the floor to play it, or he'd drop it. Clearly, he had a long weekend. So cute. Look at me, I think kids crying is cute.
Speaking of crying, the first couple of days I thought some of the kindergarten kids were going to explode. I just can't imagine going back to kindergarten and having to all of the sudden be on your own, all day with strangers. Crazy. It makes me really think of Laura a lot. I just talked to Dad a little while ago and he said she's doing okay. She's really been shy though, and hasn't known what to do at recess. I guess mom took her to the playground last night when no one was there to show her how to use the equipment and show her how much fun it can be. Hopefully she makes friends soon, and feels more confident. I miss her already, sucks that I can't see her at school. Maybe some day I will call in sick and take her to school on a Friday or something. Obviously I would not go all day, but I mean I would love to see her classroom and stuff. I would love to go to her music program too. Sigh, I just wish I could be there all of the time, and I can't. I hate being so much older sometimes.
Theresa is stopping by here(school) on her way to work at Dollar Tree for the first time in Madison. I am excited for her to see my school/classroom. I am going to take some pictures so everyone can see, but first I need to find our connector cord thing and I will probably post pictures of both the apartment and school this weekend. Speaking of this weekend, Yakob and Fat Z are coming to visit and I am so excited for that. I was worried no one would ever visit us, and we'd be bored so we would go to EC every weekend, like last year. Ooops.
Last weekend, when Theresa got here we decided to have a few drinks while reading my old middle school and high school diaries. They are so funny, I cannot believe I was so stupid and boy crazy. With the pressure Theresa is putting on me, apparently now I need to start posting an entry a day on a blog. I do think this would be well worth it to entertain you all. We found some of the most ridiculous things in there. It makes me laugh just thinking about it. Oh man, and of course my tolerance for Sailor has already decreased severely and I don't remember flopping into bed. It was pretty fun. Sunday we mostly spent sleeping it off, watching movies, hanging up pictures/art work, exploring and so on. Monday I did a lot for school and we explored some more and tried to find internet to check our email. We didn't think about it being Labor day and all that so we ended up paying $3.99 at Starbucks to go online. Rip off, but it just goes to show how dependant we are on the internet these days. I can't wait until Charter comes on Thursday, just two more days until we can feel connected again.
Back to school, I still have so much crap to do. I finished my seating charts last week and put a notecard on each chair that has the class code and a kids name on it. It worked alright, but I soon realized that these kids are low low readers and just the smaller letters got them all confused. SO, I need to type up some nice ones, with the changes I've made, for me and subs to use. I already have a sub on Friday so I need to get it done. I also need to copy more dang "fix-it's". I swear last year I handed out maybe 10 for the whole year and I have already passed out that many. Maybe that's just be trying to make a point in the beginning too. You do not EFF with me, people. I hate nothing more than when one kid ruins everything for a bunch of well behaved kids. Yuck. Some kids here I just have to send over to the table, accept that they will have to fill it out later, and try to ignore their behavior. I am sorry though, when the kid is making loud farting noises over and over again, I just cannot stand it. Neither can the other kids. Yes, this happened today, and yes I called his mother. While it is difficult to prevent and manage bad behaviors, many of which I have never had to deal with, I am still enjoying myself and am liking getting back into this elementary music thing. I missed it. It makes my heart happy. :)
I have morning duty three days a week, and while some teachers might not enjoy it, I think I will. It gives me more of an opportunity to connect with the kids and talk to them in a less structured setting. I don't like seeing kids get picked on either, and I happy to be part of not letting it happen. A kid told me the other day that this "fat kid" was getting picked on, and I asked him about it and he said that "Teachers don't do anything anyways" and my heart broke a little. I told him that I would make sure that I did something and he can always tell me no matter what it is. I hope he knows that I am dead serious. Here I am - ADVOCACY WOMAN! That's how I feel some days, but I'd never want to be any other way.
I feel like I haven't seen or talked to Becky in forever. Gee, maybe if she got a blog that would help.
Theresa just got here and I want to show her a few things and let her check her email. I'll blog more later.
BYE!

Where did the weekend go?

OK, so long weekend went and came and not so much did I post a hefty blog. In my defense I went without internet from Friday after school until now, except for the short while Theresa and I paid for it at Starbucks so we could check email and look up some directions, etc. I am getting ready for classes now, and the internet runs so slow in the morning because I swear every teacher in the district is checking their email, plus my computer sucks. After school today I will post a better blog and by Thursday we should be up and running with cable/internet.

I just blew up 25 balloons for class and it's not a good taste in my mouth...

Have a great day and stop back later!

I wish...

that I had more time and energy to update my blog regarding all of the craziness that has been my life this week, BUT I don't. I just wanted to let you all know that I am not dead, and that I will hopefully be updating a hefty blog sometime this weekend(after I get a library account set up since we don't have cable yet).

OK, holy exhausted. THESE kids= out of this world.

Leaving EC again

Well, I came back to Eau Claire yesterday to bring Theresa back and go to Menomonie for Christine's birthday. It was fun, but it was too short. I could tell I really needed to go to bed so I left pretty early. I was so overtired and emotional that I started crying when I hugged Mom because I just think I don't know how often I'll be back, it hit me that things were happening, and I don't know what I've gotten myself into. Then I hugged Laura and cried because she is already going into kindergarten and then Christine is 18 years old now. It's all just weird. Life has changed so much since we left home. I was so tired and it felt so good to be back at Becky's apartment since I was staying with other people all week that all I wanted to do was sleep and stay one extra day. BUT here I am all packed up and ready to go get a few last things from the storage unit before heading back to our apartment in Madison. I am trying to be positive and think about finishing things up at the apartment and finalizing my lesson plans, but really I am just so tired. I am sick of going going going right now. Oh well, I better quit procrastinating. Hope everyone else is enjoying their Sunday.

Blog from yesterday

I am sitting at the new apartment that Theresa and I are renting in Madison. It feels pretty good to finally have a place to be alone. I am not on the internet RIGHT now because it isn’t hooked up. I am actually on Word and will post this tomorrow(Saturday) when I get to Eau Claire. The place is a decent apartment. It has a lot of space. I hung up the shower curtain and put toilet paper on the rolls, etc. I am now just waiting for Dad and Theresa to get here with our furniture. We are all sleeping her tonight since they are getting here late. It will probably feel like a hotel. Then in the morning we are heading back to EC because it is Christines 18th birthday(!!!) and I have to take another car load back down again. Hopefully soon I can take pictures of the apartment and my classroom so people can see what they are like.

Speaking of my classroom…I think I have almost everything ready to go. The room really came around once I cleaned it, put up posters and bulletin boards, and added all of my other things. I still don’t like that I have a chalkboard, but oh well. I have many other things to be thankful for. I don’t necessarily like how it seems that they use my room a lot for other things, like childcare for forums and storage. The other night they had a forum in the gym and some kids were being watched in my room. I was in there working when they first were coming in, some high school age girls were watching the kids, and I heard my principal basically tell them to stay in the open middle area and not to touch the instruments, etc. While I was still there they were playing the piano, and had opened my drawers to look at my props/toys for games. I was a little nervous, but I figured what the heck, they are toys so whatever and I left. The next morning I found my things all mixed up from where I put them and things were slightly messy. I was upset because I have these foam heart stickers that I use for rhythm exercises. They have a sticker paper thing on the back but I leave it on, and each heart has a rhythm on it(like a tah or a titi, etc.) I found a bunch of heart sticker backs and realized they must have gave them out as stickers. They also dumped a bunch of small things like that, that I had in separate bags, all together in one container. Gah, really I shouldn’t be mad because they are all things from Dollar Tree, but it takes time to put them all together. I also have enough things to do right now rather than sort through little game pieces. It’s just a little glimpse, I think, into what things will be like working with this culturally diverse school. I am not saying that because these people were African American and rude or something, but I mean they have different ideas on what is rude and what is not. I really don’t think they thought anything of digging in my stuff, or leaving other than they found it. I know this all comes off wrong, but hopefully you all know what I mean.

I had inservice at Falk today and yesterday was a workday for all staff. I met a bunch of staff yesterday on my tour with the principal and other new staff, or by them just popping in to say hi. Today I met some more people too because everyone was actually there and in meetings together all day. I am feeling pretty good actually about the start of the year. I feel like I should be more stressed out, or like I am missing something I need to do. I might feel different on Monday night before school starts. I typed up my schedule all pretty today and it helped me visualize what my days will be like. I actually only have 4 “grades” to plan for since 2nd and 3rd are all combined and 4th and 5th are too. That’s a different approach that I am not completely used to, but I am hoping my work with Montessori last year pays off. Kindergarten and 1st grade are separate and that is nice. I am almost done getting ideas for the first week of school. I know a lot has to do with getting to know the students and setting clear expectations. We also have a hip hop group coming to school on Sept. 11th so I will be jumping into hip hop with them right after that. I have never taught that before but I think it will be fun. I looked up some things today, like the history and the 5 elements of rap, etc. and I think I can make it short, sweet, and interesting. Rapper’s Delight anyone?...

Part of our morning inservice was on my school’s plan to decrease or eliminate the achievement gap between white students and “students of color”. It’s a pretty complex plan and it involves a lot of work too. It is really interesting. We each had to sign up for a session which will be in a couple of weeks that was based on one of the 5 strands of African American Pedagogy. Basically, there is a lady in our district working her ass off to research this topic and perform all kinds of tests and trials with our students and Mendota Elementary students too. I signed up for the classroom management session because I feel like that is usually a strength of mine, but with these new personalities it might be a whole lot more challenging. Again, I feel like I am walking on eggshells trying to be politically correct and not sound racist here and I hope you all know that I am not. I just want things to go well and I want ALL of my students to be successful and happy. I am the least sure of how to connect and relate to these students so it will be a challenge and I am going to be thinking a lot about it.

Anyways, did I mention before that one of the teachers here is the sister of Owatonna HS’s orchestra director? How weird is that?! Small world. Apparently they talked about me and he said good things which is nice since we barely saw each other.

I think Dad and Theresa will be here soon so I am going to shut the computer down. Hopefully we get this unpacking done fast and can go have some fun while we are in Madison. I have no idea what we are going to do after we unload. I know we have to go buy wood so Dad and make me and Theresa bed frames. My box spring was thrown away in May(piece) and Theresa had her mattress on the floor all last year too. It will be nice to not roll over and be on the floor.

ANNNNNNNNNNNND I am not mad at Josh anymore. I just needed to get that off my chest way back when and I feel MUCH better. So, I wanted to mention that I am thinking of him while he starts his new journey in Miami Beach.

Bye!