WOOOOOOOOAAHHH!

Wow, I have been in Madison since Monday morning(holy crap, that's just yesterday morning!) and I am very overwhelmed. I don't want to say stressed out because that has a much more negative tone to it, but I for sure have A LOT on my plate right now. I was bored during one my inservices so I made a list of things to update about so I wouldn't forget anything. I still will probably forget many things.

OK, to start...I got to Madison around 11:30 yesterday and picked up paperwork at the district office. They said they'd give me the rest of the week to fill out most of it so that's good. I didn't have to stay there too long, and then I drove to my school. On the way I drove by a house I saw on Craigslist. I couldn't get a hold of anyone so I thought I'd see if there was a different number on a sign or something, but it looked kind of sketch so I decided to forget it. I went to school and met the secretaries, both very nice. They gave me keys and showed me where my room is. My room is pretty spacious and there are good and bad things about it. The good thing is that I have lots of space, it's my own space, and I found a lot of resouces/books that the teachers in Owatonna had that I can use again. The bad part is I have a chalkboard(ew), and they had about 5 gazillion old music series textbooks on all the shelves. I very quickly unloaded my car of teaching stuff, and promptly moved all of said text books to the storage closet off of my room. I only left out the most recent ones. The room is full of dust, not necessarily messy, but it seems the previous music teacher left as it was. I moved around all of the string instruments that are apparently being stored in there(another not so great thing, but after I moved them to a better place I don't notice as much). I moved the xylophones and metalophones around to be more efficient with my space. My computer is also ancient looking. I don't have a username or password yet so I haven't bothered to try to use it. Some of my cabinets are still locked and I can't find the key so maybe tomorrow I'll get in there and can see what surprises are in there. I bought some more storage for my props and things and ticky tack stuff to hang posters.

After being in my room for a few hours I went to my first apartment showing. LAME AND DISGUSTING! I soon realized that Theresa and I were going to have to up our budget to live somewhere safe and decent. So first one was a fat no, the second guy showed up and I flat out told him I already knew I wouldn't like the place because the neighborhood looked creepy and he said he could tell by just meeting me that I wouldn't like it, or fit in. He offered to show me the apartment that he lives in, in a different neighborhood. Turns out, while we have to spend $800/mo instead of $700 this apartment is much much nicer and it is in a residental area in Fitchburg/Verona area. We will live about 5 minutes from Collin's family, ha. :) This is all assuming everything pans out tomorrow when I turn in the rental application. We should be able to move in on Friday evening. I realized today, however, that I do in fact have the storage key in my purse. Dumb move, so I guess either the storage lady will have to meet Theresa and Dad on Friday afternoon or I'll have to mail it to them? I'll call her tomorrow. I am excited about the apartment. It is spacious, things match and are fairly new, it has washer/dryer in unit, and 1 car garage underneath the building. The guy is really nice and he manages the apartment, he seems like someone we can trust and like he takes pride in the apartment looking good and staying in good shape.

Last night I spent the night at Chelsea's. She is a friend from high school. It was really nice to catch up with each other and we chatting pretty late and had a glass of wine. I did not sleep well at all though. It was hot, and we slept in the same bed. I was worried I would keep her up all night, and I am getting over being sick with what Theresa had(cough). We had to get up really early and I left for my first day of inservice.

Inservice = boring, but somewhat informative. I met some people, but I probably won't see them again except tomorrow. I got my TB test done, turned in insurance paperwork, and got my picture taken for my ID badge. I also ate lunch with my principal, which was nice. She is a nice person and easy to talk to. Talking to her about my classes made me a little nervous because she kept mentioning how I will probably be most challenged with behavior problems. She also wants me to really adapt my teaching to the interests of my kids(duh), but basically wants me to do hip hop/rap stuff. NOW, I will totally do some of that, but not all the time. I don't think that's what she meant, but I just don't know what to expect. I am working at a school with far more African American students than white. We talked about the previous music teachers and I got to ask her some other kinds of questions too. We had sessions on positive behavior reinforcement and I can't say that I learned anything new. It is always a good reminder though. We also had a session on diversity and how Madison is FULL of it. Just another way to get me nervous. I am in no way racist, or prejudice, BUT I also have not been in a situation where I have had to deal with kids with such different backgrounds from my own. I know all of this will be good for me, and I will be a better teacher and person because of it. Inservice was at Lafollette! So nice to be back at that school, it is where Capital Sound had Tues/Thurs rehearsals. I also saw John Wallace, the principal from South in EC, or I guess I should say former South principal. He must have followed me down here. Sweet. I spotted the bowtie and converse shoes immediately. Side note - there are 32 elementary schools in this district! That means there are 40-50 elem music teachers! Holy crap.

So I have another full day tomorrow with inservice. Then I am turning in the rental application, and going back to my classroom. Thursday I have a free day at my school, with only one meeting with the principal and I have to get my TB test read at the district office too. I am staying at the McCormicks tomorrow night. I told them I'd probably be there around 7:30pm. Hopefully they let me go to bed early. I need it. Friday is another all day, all school inservice(not just new teachers) and it is at Falk. I am looking forward to that to actually meet the teachers I will be working with. So that's that. I am going to get my pajamas on and go to bed now. It's hotter than hell so I hope to get SOME sleep. I prollllllly forgot lots of things but oh well. Bye!

3rd time..

So if you read my blog entitled "FRICKIN INTERNET" you will understand the one below it entitled "Bye Yakob" It was a mess. I apologize.

FRICKIN INTERNET

I just wrote a giant blog about this weekend and job stuff but because this internet is STUPID it didn't work and I have to start all over again. Sorry everyone, but this is going to be the abbreviated version.

Got called Friday and accepted job in Madison. I am still in shock, happened fast, and felt awkward sad with Theresa. WIsh she could get a job too. She might come with and that would be fun. It will be interesting to see what my friends in Owatonna say.

Yakob visit=goooooooood. Had fun Friday with sega, videos of Becky singing Brandy's version of Cinderella, Joynt, Pioneer, and House of Rock. Then onto Erbs and Gerbs and Buzzys(yes both) came back with Emily and Lara and had MORE fun at the apartment. Saturday slept in, relaxed, went to Sonic, I babysit, Theresa and Becky worked and Yakob went to a wedding. Today we had Chicken bacon cheddar BBQ subs from Subway before he left. Yum. I am happy he came, wish he could live with us, but also happy he loves Gary. Love you Yakob :)

The rest of my blog was about my last day at HIH is Friday, babysitting, and all of the things I need to do now in order to get ready for this job. Stupid damn internet. I will kill you.

Bye people!

Bye Yakob

OK, NOW I found about half of the post that didn't work in my drafts. Here is more detail to some of my previous blog. Cripes...



Clearly, I had an interview in Madison on Thursday and didn't expect to hear from them until next week. BUT the principal called me Friday after work. I was on the phone with the music teacher who just retired in Owatonna, and we were just venting about what is happening there and a 608 number was calling me. I figured it was someone from Madison(like a principal), but I didn't want to cut her off and I was nervous so I thought I'd let whoever leave a message. Well, I could tell from the message that it was good. I called the principal back and she offered me the job. SO, I will be teaching elementary music at Falk Elementary School in Madison, WI next year. It is a .90 position so not full time but darn close(and higher than I was this past year at .74). While I was accepting the job, Theresa was sitting next to me and I felt SO BAD. We both cried afterwards for quite awhile. It's hard to describe that feeling. I was relieved in a way, yet felt terrible that Theresa couldn't have the same. I still feel weird about accepting that I won't be in Owatonna, but it keeps getting better. I am thinking of all the cool things I like about Madison, all the perks to being there, who I will be closer to, etc. Theresa will be deciding soon whether or not she is going to move with me. We figure that if she doesn't get a job, she might as well feel like she is getting some kind of fresh start in a newer environment. Madison is such a large district that I am sure she could sub everyday down there too. I have started looking online at apartments, but it's hard to know exactly where to look, a price range, and whether or not I should look for 1 or 2 bedroom places. I am thinking that I will us go down to Madison after next weekend and stay at a hotel for a night or two(or maybe Collin's parents) to get into my classroom, sign paperwork, set things up, and apartment hunt. It's all very overwhelming to me right now. I wish I had more time or something. Anyways, I am happy for all of the congrats and I feel fortunate to be employed(with benefits and doing what I want to do). I wish it could be the same for everyone.



My last day at Hand in Hand is on Friday. I am happy to be done because I am focus on what comes next. I am going to miss the kids in a weird way, and the teachers there too. Some of them were old that I got back in touch with, and some were new that I enjoyed getting to know. Our big field trip is on Thursday to MOA Underwater Adventures Aquarium so that should be fun. Friday is my last trip to Fairfax Pool so I hope we get good weather. I have a feeling I won't be back to HIH again because my time in EC will be limited visits and most likely I will not be back next summer.



Onto the fun stuff....Yakob came to EC this weekend. After finding out about my job, he showed up and we all celebrated by playing sega and being really really stupid. He is so much fun. We just laughed about dumb crap and took videos of Becky singing Brandy's version of Cinderella. Then we all went out. The Joynt was kind of lame so we went to the Pioneer. That was a good time I suppose. Then we ended up going over to House of Rock because a bunch of guys were playing there. It was really fun. The music was great and we were all pretty drunk at that point too. We meandered on over to Erbs and Gerbs and Theresa and Yakob got subs(I stole the innards of Tsa's bread - YUM) While in the bathroom there, I noticed a check by the garbage can so I picked it up and it turns out it was MY check. HAHA! I am glad I didn't leave it there. It was a check from Theresa for all the Chicago stuff, not a good one to lose. After that...get this...we went to Buzzy's for Mac n cheese pizza. Yes, two food places. But I have to clarify that I didn't get a sub and I split my pizza with Theresa. It. was. amazing! I love mac n cheese pizza. Oh man, I could go for some right meow. Later on we walked home and ran into Lara and Emily and they joined us back at the apartment for more fun. It was a great great night. We didn't even feel too bad in the morning(probably the E&G's and Buzzy's)

MADISON

I just accepted the job in Madison this afternoon. It is at Falk Elem in Madison. It's on the west side. I will update more later, maybe tomorrow.

Interview!

After much sadness and depression over the Owatonna job thingy, I have a job interview in Madison tomorrow, where they have 4 openings. Two of the openings are .90 and the others are .30 and .20(probably wouldn't go down there for that), BUT the two .90 ones OMG! In my early college years, I always imagined teaching in Madison or the surrounding area so this might actually be the sweetest thing ever if I get a job there. I am not trying to get my hopes up, but all I had to do was contact the arts coordinator and she set up an interview. On the phone she was VERY nice and I know that they can't have too many applicants because she asked me to spread the word if I knew of anyone looking for music jobs(hello, Theresa?). So, tomorrow I will be leaving for Madison around 9am and having an interview from 12-1:30pm, then driving back for Hand in Hand's summer carnival. This is just what I needed right now. I mean, you can't bank on any job but when you an interview, and you have an in(kyle peterson), AND you feel good about it going into it I just think it might happen. Hopefully, Theresa can either work in Madison with me, or in Middleton, and then we could live together if all worked out in our favor(too soon?). I am going to bring her resume in, and after I feel out the positions and people, I might give it to them on my way out. Tonight I need to fill out the application(haven't even done that yet, seems backwards right?) and print our resumes. I also need to brush up on interview questions. Kyle said that they place a lot of emphasis on the standards and really want to know how you plan, etc. Planning is my strength, and I fully support and incorporate the standards into my teaching so I feel great about that. He said that she asked him to play piano, and if that's the case I am embarrassed, but he still got the job with the minimal skills that I have as well. I bet I am worse though, and freeze up under pressure. I'll just have to remain calm, and also let them know that I am up for the challenge of getting better at it, and have never really had to play it before. It doesn't sound like the most important thing, honestly they probably just want to know you can plunk out the notes and know where to find them so you can help kids be on pitch.

Owatonna still didn't post their position(s) today, so I don't know if that means that they are reconsidering their plans, or if they are just being slow to get things done. I think I will probably call Sue and ask her and also fill her in that I have an interview in Madison.

Anyways, not much more to report. Obviously this makes my day, plus while bowling with the kids today, we(the teachers) got some Topperstix. Mmmm. I'll post more tomorrow night to update how it all went down.

Nothing like crying all day

I am so upset, I think I could fall asleep and stay there forever. I called some people in Owatonna and got some more information, bad information. I don't even want to get into details because I lack the energy and things may change tomorrow. More or less, the positionS that they want to open don't exactly fit my strengths(ie 6th gr choir) and are not full time. I am upset because I feel like no one is fighting for me and there is nothing I can do to fight for myself. I got Sue and Paige filled in, and I know they are upset too and trying to change some things around. Maybe tomorrow I will hear some good news from them. Now, I just feel like I've pissed off a former principal by telling the other music teachers the information she told me(even though she didn't say not to and they would find out after it was posted anyways). I don't want to make people mad, but I DO NOT want to work in a .44 traveling position either, with no benefits and hardly enough money to survive(if enough). I'd have to work another job somehow, AND maybe I'd be better off subbing and living in EC. If they post things as planned, I could either apply for a .44 elem music position that travels, or a .80 position that is 6th grade gen music and choir, with ONE section of elementary music at McKinley. I just don't see why administration hasn't considered more options, and why they haven't worked with music staff to come up with the best solution. I am more depressed about this job stuff than I ever have been. I feel like I've been led on, fooled into thinking something would work out, like my performance and passion means nothing to some people, and like no matter how much I want something for the first time in my life I might not be able to do anything about it to make something happen. This is a stupid mad rant, but I just had to say something.

And while I am pissed commenting on here, Josh you can please stop writing on your fucking blog about our relationship. We are not together for FAR more reasons than you had a "bad year" and that I couldn't look past you going through a hard time. And NO I will not be meeting up with you before you go so you can stop texting me and my sisters about it. Had you never wrote anything about me on that damn blog I would never ever ever have been this pissed and resentful towards you. You put words in my mouth, throw out things that sound good to you that you cannot own up to, and make it sound like you have the world figured out. Well, guess what, you clearly don't. You can go write on your blog about how you feel bad for teachers, and even say good things about me and it makes me mad. Just forget writing about me. GEEEEZ, freedom of speech? Yeah, but you asked me not to write about you and I didn't. For months now, I have had to check and see what kind of "breakthrough" you had each day regarding relationships that you would put us in and share with the world. I am sick of you acting like this was all some mistake, or like you understand the world now and I should take you back. OR, you say how much you miss these stupid little things that clearly didn't mean that much, you are just clinging to them. I am sorry, of course I am so angry and emotional about life in general. I don't need to write any of this on here, but at the same time I need to say it somewhere. Josh, we are not compatible, nor will we ever be. We do not have the same interests or beliefs on most things. WHY did it take me 3 1/2 years? Because I WANTED it to work out, I fooled myself into thinking things were better than they were, you are a good guy, but not the right guy. I am sorry I can't go back in time and fix everything. I'M SORRY! But leave me alone now, and let me be myself and think about the future. You should do the same. It's good to reflect, but you also need to be realistic and honest with yourself too. I didn't enjoy you last year, besides the obsession(literally) with tuba and playing, you also were fake and a hypocrite. You acted like you cared so much about health and fitness but ate McDonalds all the time, yet scoffed at me if I made a bad choice. You go back and forth on the fitness thing more than anyone I know. Maybe if you just didn't think about it you would be happier. You acted like you were some high class prick who drank fancy beers and wine, when really you don't know anything about either. You gossiped about people and acted like you were innocent, or at least wanted to stop gossiping. It was like you talked about everyone else's weakness just so you felt better about yourself. I am not innocent of gossiping, but the part that gets me is you turning around and acting like you don't gossip about people. You were on your own schedule, and you certainly didn't care when you offended anyone, even if they were someone you "loved", whether it was me, friends, or family. You were too damn stubborn to admit when you were wrong, because you always yearned to be "right". You were damn right selfish all year, and how am I to know that you just snapped out of it? Truth is, even if I looked past this year and reminded myself that you were just going through a rough patch, all of these things still exist. You have always done these things, since before we dated. It just got gradually harder to block out, or to ignore. I had a big year last year too, where were you, why couldn't YOU look past what I was going through. You always had think things were harder for you, your job was harder, you cared more about your success than I did about mine. These issues were there from day one. Nothing will ever change this, or fix it. Move on. The day I made the decision to end our relationship I was upset because I didn't want to hurt you, I cared about you, and I wanted to stay friends. Today, I can't believe how mad and resentful I am towards you, and I am frustrated that I spent so many years of my life trying to help you see things in a different way. I know that I can't change anyone, and that's not what I mean. I mean that, I am frustrated that i wanted you to experience a kind of love that you could feel what it feels like to put someone's feelings before yours, to make sacrifices and feel fine with them because you know they are for the better, to understand a person's needs and to know when to just be there and not give advice, to accept someone the way they are, and show someone each and every day how much they mean to you. Clearly, I wasn't successful. But this is no one's fault, we just weren't meant to be. So, when you write all these things on your blog, it frustrates me because it just was not meant to be. There isn't something we can do. The things that you've realized that it takes to have a successful relationship we would never have because we are not right for each other. It should not be this hard, it should not feel forced. Sorry, bitch about me all you want. Screw you to any "friends" that think I am irrational or think I am being mean. YOU don't know what it's like. AND YOU should mind your own fricken business. I am sick of this. Grow up, move on, and good luck.