Fresh start

I have wanted to be better about blogging for a long time now. I am hoping the new blog will help me regularly keep friends/family updated, as well as serving me with perhaps some kind of outlet. I am sure most blogs will be pointless and silly, but some might be heavily emotional. We'll see where this takes us.
Yes, Josh and I ended our engagement. That's all you need to know. The best thing to come out of this so far, if I can even comment on that at this point, would be that I see the support from my friends and family. I love so many people, and they really do love me. It can be so overwhelming right now.
I was bored at the apartment on Friday night, home alone but didn't want to pack up my car and drive to Eau Claire yet so I got myself a haircut. It's different, but I think I like it. I got bangs, thanks to the pushing from Theresa. Then I went on a mission to cover up those darn gray hairs so I died it! I am getting more and more used to the way it looks and feels on my forehead.
This coming week is my last week living at the apartment in Lakeville. It's pretty much empty with the exception of my bed, clothes, TV, my dishes, and a few other things. I have a feeling I am going to be bored, but I do have cleaning to do so hopefully that will keep me busy. I also have jobs to apply for now too.
Speaking of jobs, I am feeling so weird about next year. I thought I would love to stay in Owatonna next year if it becomes a possibility. I think I still do, but I am thinking so much about how lonely it will be to live there all alone. While I LOVE the other music teachers, all of my younger teacher friends are leaving due to budget cuts. The whole starting over thing with friends is really stressful for me. I am so lucky to have awesome friends in Becky and Theresa, but at the same time it has sometimes made it hard to make other friends, maybe? I don't know. I wouldn't trade them for the world. They are the most amazing friends you could ever want. I wish everyone could experience that kind of bond. I am applying for the elementary music position in Eau Claire, but I pretty much know that it is going to be filled internally. Would that not be amazing though? I would hate to leave Owatonna, but I would do it to be in Eau Claire by my friends and family. It's a great place and I have missed it so much.
I am so stressed out that I have basically lost my appetite. I had been trying to lose weight all year and have lost 20 lbs. I haven't been working out because there is so much going on, but I haven't been eating much either. Hopefully I can get back to a routine and continue to do this the right way. I just don't know what I would do if I gained back the weight that I worked so hard to lose right now. I am also so fricken tired all of the time. Sometimes I am so exhausted that I sleep like a rock. Last night, I didn't sleep very well because Becky's bed kind of caves in and I didn't want to spoon her. Maybe it was sleeping with someone else again. I haven't slept with anyone else in the bed for almost a week now. I took a long nap today and I still feel like crap. I wish it was just summer already. I hate feeling in between on everything right now. At the same time, I am going to miss the kids at school so much. They make me so happy(most of the time). It's hard to believe that in a couple of weeks I might not see many of them ever again.
I have to quite being such a debby downer. Thanks to everyone for all of the love and support this past week. I am glad that people are so understand of me not calling them back, etc. because I just don't want to talk anymore. Writing this is different for some reason. Maybe because I don't need anyone's opinion and I can take more time to articulate myself.
On a better note, I am excited to almost be an aunt. I keep forgetting that this is real because I never see Christa and Dan. I hope that I can be a fun and important part of my neice's life. Gah, I want to see her. Also, excited to see Joe and Steph's little boy soon too. AND, of course congrats to Angie and Jake for their beautiful son Ryan. I can't wait to be a mom some day.
Well, I hope everyone is having a good Memorial Day weekend. Hopefully my next post will be a little more uplifting.
Love Liz