Sad doesn't even begin to say it.

Here I sit at 1am on a Sunday night sitting wide awake. I just cannot sleep, cannot stop thinking about my kids from school.

I got an email this evening informing me, along with the rest of our school, that two of my students and their parents were in a domestic dispute and were all shot on Saturday. Apparently, they are all in stable condition. I just want to know what that even means. I want to know more! I want answers! In reading the news, I see that they think one of the victims was the shooter, meaning these kids, or more likely one of their parents. What the hell?! I am angry, and just more sad than I can say that these kids have to deal with this crap. I mean, ALL of the kids in my school too, not just these two. It is no wonder that these kids come to school with a negative attitude, and fight with one another. It's what they know, and what they see every single day. I can't believe that two of MY students where I teach were shot...WITH A GUN! I think I have been sad since reading the email, talked to Dad and Theresa, cried, and now I am just pissed and in an angry stage. These kids are innocent, and they do not deserve this. One of them is in 3rd grade and the other in 1st grade. Can you just imagine??? It breaks my heart to think of what they must have heard and saw, their whole lives and then now during all of this. I can't wait to find out more information, to try to make SOME sense out of it maybe. I just really want to know how they are all doing. I just can't imagine how it would feel to lose a student, and to something so horrible as this. Thank God they are surviving. I have no idea what tomorrow will be like. I know that we have specific instructions on how to deal with something like this. I just don't want to break down and cry in front of the kids, but at the same time I know that I have the strength and it would be my nature to do what I need to do to help the kids feel better. It's strange because in all of the classes they will be having a discussion in the morning, and I just feel like as the music teacher, what can I do? If they are already discussing it, do I even bother in music? The thing is, I want them all to know that I am there for them. I want them to share with me their stories and feelings. I just want to help. Right now, I feel helpless. I hate that feeling. I just can't describe the feeling of getting an email that starts out saying that they was a domestic dispute and two of our students were shot. It's like my eyes welled up with tears before I could even read on to see if they were okay! It's like the ultimate panic. I just don't want to feel it again, but I know it could happen again and be worse. Just wish I knew what to do for them. I just hate that there has to be this kind of thing happening to families and children out there. This happened very close to my school and to our apartment. I mean, it's our general neighborhood, the Westside ghetto. I know that I feel safe in the building we live in, but it also makes you wonder. I don't even want to be blocks away from this kind of thing. I would never want my kids to grow up in this kind of neighborhood. How is Falk ever going to turn their school's attitude around, and get kids making great choices and making their lives better? How can we do the seemingly impossible? Even if I can give one kid hope here, I can feel better. But I wish we could do it all. As if I didn't have mixed feelings about Madison and Falk school, now it's even worse. I just want to be there for kids that need someone supportive, who believes in them, but I don't want to be in this negative environment all of the time either. It just brings me down, and then I am not the best I can be for them anyways. I just don't know what to think of it all. Just keep this family in your prayers. I hope the kids heal physically and emotionally. We all just have to take this one day at a time.