Finally

OK, so here's the update...hmmm where to start?

After my last post we had our presentation at UWEC. It went alright I think. The first one was a little cramped on time, but the next one was better. We had more time to show videos and answer questions and act out some scenarios. I definitely left with lots of ideas for presentations in the future. It's a learning thing just like everything else. It was nice to chat with Dr. Murphy and felt good to feel like an actual colleague.

Otherwise, Feb was fine. We had our first band concert. It was kind of bleh, lots of people choked. Oh well, it was fun to move on and get new music. We are playing some band standards(well just movements of them) like Linconshire Posy, Holst First Suite, and so on. We are also playing Benediction by John Stevens and I have fond memories of playing that in our old tuba/euph quartet so that's cool. I get to play the starting and ending solos and the old people think it's amazing. How funny. In many ways I think I sound way better than I did in college and in other ways I can still tell I am out of shape. BUT playing 1-2 times a week, sometimes more, is still so much better than once every couple of months like last year in Owatonna. It feels great and I feel like I didn't throw away $4000 on a euphonium.

I have been trying to fix my eyes. This Thygeson's is a bitch. I have been to the friggin eye dr. 5 times since mid-January. I finally was able to wear my contacts again and after 3-4 weeks I started to be able to wear them less and less. I started having itchy eyes again and it is so dang hard not to rub them. Anyways, my eye dr had emergency surgery so I had to see some new douche. He is weird and his breath smells. He told me to go back to not wearing contacts and up'ed my eye drop dose back up to what it was in the beginning. Luckily, I got my new glasses and my eyes are feeling much better. Hopefully when I go back this Friday he says I can work back into contacts again. My new glasses are nice, I suppose. It's always strange to adjust to the way you look even though no one else seems to notice. In the last two days I think 3 kids noticed. Maybe that's a good thing...

In the beginning of March my school went to see a group at the Overture Center, called Sones de Mexico. We studied music in Mexico and stuff to prepare and it felt meaningful to the kids when we went. It was cute, and we had front row seats so a bunch of our kids got picked to be volunteers. They also asked the audience to point to their music teacher and all 100ish 2/3rd graders were freaking out pointing to me. Hilarious. These kids are nuts. I love them.

Beatriz came to visit a couple weekends ago. It was a nice visit, although I almost don't like hosting someone for four days. It's tough no matter how much you love someone. Plus, she got the stomach flu Friday night or something and threw up 3-4 times. No one else got it so who knows what was up. Saturday was St. Fat's and it was fun. I think because we started drinking as we were waiting for dinner to be done we got drunk really fast. Joe and Stephanie came and surprised me. I really didn't think they were coming. It was crazy, just as it always has been. Good to see everyone.

The next day we visited Dave Jaeckel because he was in the hospital for ten days. His blood pressure got so high that the blood vessels behind his eyes burst and he is basically going to be blind for a year. It was nice to see him, hopefully he was happy we came. We also saw Rick and Ellen M. Ellen has been sick for a few years off and on with ovarian cancer. It's pretty bad. Even though her cancer is in remission, she still is dying. Her stomach is destroyed, as well as her kidneys and other parts. They've already purchased a cemetery plot, and she was going to talk to us about her funeral but I guess it was too hard. I think she wants us to play or something. I just think it's so sad. I love her so much, she's always been so much fun. She was like another drum corps mom, her and Cheryl McCormick. I hope we are able to get to see her again soon.

Moving on, last weekend me and Theresa didn't have much to do so we sat around at watched the 1977 TV series Roots about black slavery. It was so interesting. I've always loved that part of history(not in the way like I thought slavery was good!) I like learning about history now that I am older, and I like hearing stories about slavery, or things like the Holocost. Does that make me weird? It was a nice weekend.

This is the last week before Spring Break. Can. Not. Wait. The kids are going nuts and are ready for a break, although I have to remember their behavior might also reflect their anxiety about the lack of stucture, supervision, etc. that they might experience over that break. Our family is coming down this weekend. We are hanging out Friday and then spending Saturday in Chicago and then they will go back on Sunday. I guess Scott, Laura, Shannon, Mom, Dad, and maybe even Pat and Erin are coming. It's going to be another full house here. It will be a fun way to kick of break though. Then Theresa and I are spending Sunday-Thursday getting tons of school stuff done(or that's the plan) and then we'll spend some time in EC and Menomonie.

I am pretty excited because the Wisconsin Chamber Orchestra is coming to Falk after break. It'll be fun, and also I am meeting with a lady on Thursday about the Madison Symphony Orchestra doing a program at Falk where a quartet comes 4 times throughout the year to teach about their instruments and music. I feel like no one takes advantage of these FREE opportunities. CMON people!

So, I received, signed, and returned my contract for next year, still 90% of full time. This doesn't mean I am for sure going to be here, but I guess I have some security now. I am going to continue to look at job postings, but I'll only apply for full time jobs that I would feel comfortable staying at for at least three years. It's a lot of stomach, all of this job shit. Gah. I don't hate my job here, I just feel like something is missing. I don't connect to my colleague like I want to, you know since I am not a die-hard Bucky Badger fan. Time will tell what will happen. My fingers are crossed for a new opportunity.

This month is Music in Our Schools Month and so this week I am having a music "open house". Basically, friends and family are invited to sit in on music class and see what it's all about. So far, I have had a few parents show up. Not too many, but I half expected none to come. It's been fun to show them what we do in music, especially with the little ones. They're so cute! I am getting into my concert stuff more heavily now so it's also not like it shows exactly what every other day is like. I am getting super excited for my concert. It's at the end of April and I feel like I started much earlier and have been much more prepared. Things are still coming up so fast and piling up too. I am sure it will be fine though.

Well, Biggest Loser and American Idol are on so I am going to get back to that. Hope everyone is doing well!

Oh Hey, didn't see ya there...

I am writing an IUO to everyone who reads this blog. Tonight I will make up lost time and update you all on my ever so exciting life of children, singing, and dancing, oh and also of sailor jerry.

Coming soon!

waiting

I am in the Haas computer lab...yes. Weird. I am waiting to go set up for our presentation. Doc and I loosely talked about meeting at noon but he wasn't in his office when I got here. Oh well, I'll hopefully get to catch him at some point. He's been so busy and stressed lately, I am sure he forgot or something came up. It feels SO strange to be sitting at Haas, I feel like I don't know anybody. OR they think I am Becky or something. Who knows...anyways, what can I do for 30 minutes until I can go set up. Argh, I am just sitting here getting nervous now.

Hmmmm. So Friday went well. I had that little entertainment performance for the parents/community members that attended Read Your Heart Out Day(for National African American Parent Involvement Day). The kids did a good job, and the teachers and staff from the district we've been working with on culturally relevant teaching thought it was awesome. They thought I picked perfect songs, ok. I'll take that. I also got my formal write-up from Lynn. She wrote all really good things, and she recommended that I be offered another contract so I guess now the ball is in my court. I still don't have a clue about next year, but the possibility of staying doesn't freak the hell out of me anymore. The VDay dance at night was fun too, met some more parents and got silly with the kids. They think it's amazing that I know all the songs the DJ played.

Spent the weekend between EC and Menomonie. Saw Dear John with the Soules family ladies. It was a good movie, I didn't cry too much though. There are a lot of movies I have been waiting to see though, I realized. I should get on that.

I should also pack up and get out of here. People are popping their heads in to look for empty computers. You know....

Wish us luck!

snow storm?

I mean, it's snowing out but it's not horrible. We'll see how the roads are in the morning I guess. Still hate winter though, I am counting down the weeks until Spring Break...ahhhh.

School has been alright this week so far. I still feel like some kids are in some sort of winter funk. They tattle a lot and get into stupid fights. It's frustrating, I have to work so hard to keep some kids from going off the wall. Hopefully the weeks keeping moving fast and warmer weather will help their attitude.

Becky and Rick and Yakob visited this weekend. Holy BAD eating. Oh well, it was so fun, not worth the calories but so fun. It's always nice to see Yakob because we can pick up where we left off, and he just has the best laugh. We went to state street Friday and had a couple of boots and ended at Qdoba, followed by a hilarious cab ride home. Our driver was hilarious and was ripping on Madison people. Saturday was spent making bad choice after bad choice, ending in dominoes pizza. Sunday morning was perkins and off they went.

I should probably write more but I am pretty tired. Tomorrow is my busiest day so I can't wait for it to be over. Morning duty should be a joy in the snow and ice. Maybe I will get to yell at kids for going on the big hill, or not wearing snowpants and boots and being covered in snow. My life.

Good night, world. And Gooooood bye to Michelle AKA Red team bitch from biggest loser. Haha.

baaaaaaand.

Just got home from band tonight. Forgot to mention before that Theresa and I joined the MATC Municipal Band and we also convinced Mike Mitmoen to join on tuba. It's feels great to play again, just wish we met more than once a week. I don't feel like I took wind symphony for-granted, but dang do I miss it. I also feel like I sound better now than in college, strange how that happens.

Today was a good day. I am trying to post more often so I don't forget so much that has happened. I have an eye dr. appointment yet again tomorrow afternoon. I have this eye disease, which is why I have had contact problems for months(maybe over a year?). Basically, I have bumps on my cornea and huge white blobs on my eyelids from it that don't do well with contacts. The drops I've been taking helped my cornea at my last check up two weeks ago, but my eyelids still needed more work. I find out tomorrow if I can attempt contacts again. My fingers are crossed. I am still going to buy new glasses though because this can come and go and I can only wear contacts when the disease is in remission. I am curious to see if my sisters have the same thing, probably Becky does and Theresa probably will eventually. It's just not fun to do 4-6 eyedrops a day.

We had a super specials popcorn party this afternoon with one class, and it was fun. I burned a CD with cool songs on for courage assemblies and things like this with radio songs(Party in the USA!) and they love it. The other teachers think I am crazy, but they like it too. One kid who has some mental instabilities(dangerous apparently) starting yelling that I needed to change it when Miley Cyrus came on because he cries when he hears it. Ha, he wasn't kidding! So, I changed it to Outkast, and then JaySean. Nice.

I really hope other people post some bloggage soon. It's fun to read, hard to write I know, but pleeeease! I should be getting to bed though for tonight, already up past my bedtime. Good night!

Wow, it's February!

January flew by, I can't believe it. Lots has happened, but not much toooo special.

I am feeling WAY better since I last posted. I was getting so depressed and STRESS was the main factor. I talked with my family over break and that helped a lot. Then after coming back to Madison after break, things seemed different. I missed my kids from school, which made getting back into things easier. I felt like I had a new appreciation for them. I also talked with a counselor. It's not like she helped a ton, but I realized in talking to her what my biggest issue was...my career and life "plan". I have been so stressed out about the future, what will happen next year, and how things are going at Falk, etc. It's like as soon as I just let myself enjoy the present and take each day by each day, things just felt more comfortable. I think when I started at Falk it was so different that what I pictured my life being like. Let's back up, my former life plan was...get married, get a typical music job like Owatonna(a good program eventually or as soon as possible) and work my way into getting Kodaly certified, presenting on music ed at workshops, going to grad school, having a family, becoming a college professor, all with a certain kind of teaching philosophy. That philosophy was based on efficient, meaningful, and fun music education where I pushed kids, and had high expectations. My philosophy is still the same but there has been so much added to it, and in that way it has changed. In the beginning, at my new school I felt that the behaviors and challenges I was facing were interfering with the way I expected the kids to learn music. NOW, I have accepted and fully embraced a culturally relevant, and much more student life success type of philosophy. I have the same goals, but a much different way of getting there. Even learning about culturally relevant teaching in the beginning was like, "yeah yeah, what does that mean for me?". Now, I see the benefits and the importance. I have a huge heart, and I want to help kids. All kids need a good teacher, but I am seeing that my students here in Madison need so much more than my students in Owatonna(obviously a generalization, but still the truth). They need love, support, and someone who believes in them so much more. They are faced with far more every day challenges than I ever experienced. It was a huge can of worms to even open, and to be honest it scared the hell out of me. Once I realized that it was not so scary to just try small things here and there, and to overcome one issue at a time, I know that there is hope to help them. Also, no matter what we accomplish in regards to standards and achievement, it isn't hard to love every student. It makes me think back to what Doc Young had said his philosophy was, "Every student deserves a good music education and a teacher should be an advocate for all of their students". I thought to myself, "yeah, that's me too. I do that. I buy that." Only now do I realize how much I was missing, and that's not easy for someone so passionate about teaching to admit. I thought I was doing everything I knew was right, and was working my butt off. Now, I see things in a different light. I understand that no one is probably interested in this rant, but it feels good and is important for me to articulate. Going back to my old life plan, there has been obvious road blocks. I am no longer on track to be getting married and having kids. I know there isn't one path, and that life doesn't just roll out the way you expect it, but it was a lot to take in when you had expectations. My biggest problem is having these expectations, reflecting to a point where I am stuck on issues that can't be immediately solved(or I don't have the power to solve at this point in time) and I honestly just worry too much. I dwell on things I care a lot about. It's hard for me to live in the present and not be such a future thinker, it's my Existential Multiple Intelligence taking over me. That's what was good about talking to a professional. She helped me see how much I was worrying about things, letting it control my life. We also talked about a few ways to get around that, or ways to bring me back to reality. I keep forgetting to set up another appointment. I don't want to never go again and have the same tendencies pop up over time, but at the same time I am just grateful I got out of my huge slump. Also in regards to my life plan, I had been planning on a journey that took me to grad school, and getting my doctorate to teach college. I still think that's what I want to do, but I also have to accept that I really like teaching kids. I realllllly like teaching kids. I also realllllly like sharing what I've learned. So, I'll probably end up just teaching longer than I originally planned or something. Either way, I've just got to remind myself that there is no rush to decide what my future will bring. You never know anyways. I could die in a car accident or something awful, and I would have wasted years worrying about the future I never ended up getting. I am not saying I want that(yikes) but I am saying I have to remember how lucky I am right now, in February 2010. I have a great family. I have friends(even though I was thinking I didn't) and I also have 350 kids to love and help grow. I honestly don't even care about being single right now. I don't even want to think about a relationship right now, because what's the point? No one will be what I expect, something will just happen when I least expect it. I also still want to be healthy, but I've found myself not dwelling on my weight or appearance as much anymore too. I want to work out, eat better, and lose weight, and dress nice, and look good for myself. I still want that. BUT it's not at the point where I am beating myself up, putting myself down, wishing for big chances over night and feeling hopeless anymore. It's strange, how getting a mental grasp on something like my career, can make all other parts of my life seem better. I regret to say that I didn't even give the teachers at Falk a fair chance in the beginning as well. I had these expectations (there's that word again) of them and how I thought they should welcome and include me. In reality, many of them are really great, and HAVE in fact welcomed me. I was expecting them to read my mind. That was also the case with my parents when I felt so depressed too. I was expecting them to just know how I was feeling, and know how to make me feel better. It just wasn't fair to them. I know deep down my parents love me. I also know that no matter what they probably did, I would have felt like crap until I figured this all out on my own. I'm just glad I am figuring things out, slowly but surely. I'm getting there, and thank God!

I guess I could write about other things too. Hmmm, where to start?

Wow, New Year's was alright, long time ago. I got way too drunk. I felt so dehydrated the next day. My hands were tingling, and I got really sick after that too. It wasn't fun being sick, but oh well. It was nice to see friends, even though it never feels like you really get to catch up with people. You have fun, do the small talk, and move on. I guess that's life at this point though. Accept it, and move on.

Becky and Errin came to visit Jan 8-10th and it was a good time. Lauren Z. also came out that Friday and we all went to Essenhaus. We had a few boots, took a cab home(in which we made asses of ourselves) and got home only to have some more crazy times. I bumped Theresa over, and she fell into the kitchen, at which time Becky thought it would be fun to throw the things on the counter at her, including a beer bottle. She chipped the front tooth a little bit, and I don't care what it sounds like to others, it was hilarious. We spent the rest of the weekend attempting a Wicked and Cheap Vodka Party with Errin(guess we spent ourselves the night before though) and watched a ton of Glee. Love Glee. It is so sad that we won't see Errin for so long now since she is leaving for the Peace Corps, but I am glad we got the time we did. We'll miss you Errin!

We went to Menomonie/EC the next weekend so Theresa could get a car. It's so nice that we aren't car pooling anymore. She got a sweet car, I am slightly jealous. ha. It has heated seats, and anywhere we go together she drives now. It's like a heating pad on your lower back. Ahhhhh. Also, got to watch Shannon dance while we were home. I see her dance about once a year, and never fails, I tear up. She is so grown up! AND I don't know when she learned how to entertain the crowd so much, what a smiler! :) It was quite cute.

The next weekend Lindsay B. came down and Fat Z met up with us too. We went to Cancun and got margaritas. They had a live band and they kept coming by our table singing in spanish. It was awkward but awesome. They asked if we spoke spanish, we said no, and so they sang standards like DeColores and Ba Ba Bamba(?). The next day I met Becky in LaCrosse and we visited my friend Kathy from high school. She has also had a really rough year this year. She graduated with an associates nursing degree but has had a really hard time passing her boards. She lost her job because of it. She had an internship through school, and they offered her a job after she graduated but she had to pass her boards within 6months to stay on, which she did not. She had a large bunion removed on her foot, and lost insurance at the worst time. She has money issues now and is feeling depressed, along with seeing a total douche bag we went to school with. He totally used her, and I hate him for that. What a dick. Anyway, we had dinner with Lindsay, another friend from HS and her bf, then went back to Kathy's and just chilled out.

This past weekend, Mom, Dad, and Laura came down. Dad bought a van in Sauk Prairie(30 min from here) and realized his AC wasn't working right so he took it down here again since it's under warranty and they decided to hit two birds with one stone and come visit us. They came to Falk in the afternoon, and they got to see a courage assembly. They thought my school was nice, and we're surprised how many young teachers there were since I made it seem like there were none. Gah, I know there are but they are all from here, married, or bitchy. It's hard to ask them to get schwasted some night. After that we headed to Leopold where Theresa teaches, saw her classroom, then went to the apartment. Dad saw it when we moved in, mom thought it was nice. We went for a drive/tour around Madison, and ended at mom's favorite place, Cracker Barrel. It was really good, then we went back and relaxed while watching Mamma Mia. We woke up fairly early, made a huge breakfast, and went to a big antique store, and two goodwills so mom and dad could look for things for the cabin. That cabin is going to be the sweetest cabin on earth when it's all said and done I think. They left in the afternoon and Theresa and I lounged. Sunday was Celebrating Youth at the Monona Terrace. Basically kid groups perform and have displays. We went to help out with the Boys and Girls Club drumline. It was refreshing to see so many young talents and also opportunities Madison has to offer kids. We left kind of early though because Theresa got a bad headache. She had a headache and cold for a couple of days. I am glad(knock on wood) that I never got it from her.

This week has been going good at school. It is African American History Month so I've been trying to get all into that. It was also fun to do the Groundhog song, and now to do a little Valentines stuff too. I was observed last week Tuesday by my principal and we met this afternoon to go over it. She said ALL nice things, was really impressed, and said, "I am not kidding, from the beginning to end, Liz, I wouldn't ask you to change a thing". It's nice to hear that. She doesn't go out of her way to compliment, she's not like that so I'll take it when I can. She also said she assumed that it was also a pretty typical example of what my every day is like, and I honestly could not argue. I am doing a really good job. Whew.

This weekend Yakob is supposed to visit(crossing my fingers he doesn't bail). Hopefully we have some ridiculous times ahead.

Next week Friday is a big Read Your Heart Out Day in celebration of National African American Parent Involvement Day(get all that?). It's a day where parents and community members come in and read to the classes, and promote reading and parent involvement. There is a big luncheon that I was asked to provide entertainment for. Basically, a few of my classes have to work on songs to sing while they eat. It's not a huuuuge deal, but I want to make sure it goes well. It's like a mini-concert. I hope it goes well. That night is also the Valentines Dance. I am SO going! Saturday morning we are leaving for EC.

We(me and Theresa) are presenting on Feb. 15th at UWEC on Culturally Relevant Practice(with an emphasis on African American students). We are talking to Dr. Murphy's class and then later on with CMENC. I am SO excited for this and have been working hard on the presentation. I had emailed a tentative outline to Dr. Murphy a few weeks ago, she was so impressed that she wants us to submit to be presenters at the WMEA 2011 convention. Wouldn't that be cool? I always wanted to be a workshop presenter, but who knew it would happen that fast? or more so with this topic?! Crazy. I just am surprised how fast I have become passionate on this subject. How interesting...

I think I mentioned in my last post how Donte is back at school(student who was shot in the face). It's great to see him getting stronger and enjoying being in school. Unfortunately, he is testing some of the staff and his behavior is not always great. FORTUNATELY, he has been good in music and gives me about 5 hugs a day when he sees me anywhere. I saw a glimpse of it once this week though, when he was pissed he couldn't do a partner game with turning and jumping. I tried to give him a drum and play it off like he got the better deal, but I think he's just frustrated with not fitting back into the normal picture at this point. He's still got a long road ahead of him. I am hoping his recovery stays on track or speeds up. His sister is doing really well, and actually has come out of her shell a ton since coming back, more and more each day. I think in her situation, she got a lot of attention from it, and liked that, and also feels good that people care for her. Of course, I love them both, and don't care if they swear in my face or flip me the bird, because I know that they need love and have had a much harder life than I could ever imagine.

Alright, well I guess that was more than a sufficient post. Hope everyone is doing well. Please write more friends. I really miss you all! I'll leave you with a few kid quotes...

"I am going to ask my mom to go to the junk yard right after school" 1st grader after our after school club, Musical Junk where we make instruments out of recyclables.

"Ha, Ms. Soules, you talkin' Hip Hop!" after I told a kid to "git out ma face".

"HEY, I just saw you when I was sleeping!" I think I was in this kid's dream?

"You're not married?!" "Nope" "Then who do you live with?" "You know that, I live with the other Ms. Soules" "You live with another MISS Soules??" at about this time I realized the kid thought I was married to a woman and had to explain it was my sister.

"I like your pants" "I like your shirt" "I like your hair" "I love you" and "I missed you"(since yesterday?) Gotta love kids.

"Don't anybody bump my loose tooth!"

"Do you believe in God and Heaven?" uh ....shit "I am not really going to comment on that in school, you don't need to know what I believe in right now in music" Argument starts between kids on whether or not I go to church until sweet little Nytel says "guys! I KNOW she does". OK, guess you had to be there, but he was like trying to defend me and it was like if I said I didn't his heart would have broken right then and there. His faith in me was ridiculous. Awkward!

"Can we play Bate Bate?"(every day for months) Today - "OH MY GOD MS. SOULES! I like this game more than Bate Bate, I love you"

Merry Christmas

OK, I know it has been almost a month. I am procrastinating so hard core. Ugh, I am just THAT bored that I am long over-due blogging on Christmas.

Well, first I guess I should make a list of things worthwhile to comment on. Then I will go back and take a stab at the post.
- My students who were shot
- Doc's party/Hastings
- Pat and Erin's Wedding
- My concert
- Kristin Wood's unfortunate passing
- Becky's engagement and graduation
- Owatonna visit
- Christmas Eve/Christmas

AND I am sure much more....

So my students who were shot....they are doing much "better" I guess you could say. Destiny got to spend the last two days before break back in school. What a miracle. She was the one shot in the back of the skull. Originally we were all worried about her recovery in regards to her voice, jaw and tongue. All are healing very fast, and she seems to talk just fine. I was so happy to finally see her back at school. She was for sure very popular that day and was enjoying it too. Donte will be in the hospital for awhile yet I take it. He was paralyzed from the waist UP and that was so odd. He started to be able to wiggle his fingers and can feel the nurses rub his arms over the last couple of weeks. Thank GOD! So while his recovery is going to be a slow one, it is also still a miracle that he survived being shot in the face, and having it go in so far as to hit or traumatize his spinal chord. I burned them a few CDs, hope they liked them. Their mom is doing fine as well. They all will have major emotional trauma to deal with, but I guess I won't find much out about that process for the time being. I can only be happy for their physical recovery at this point. I wonder how the holidays have been for them and the whole family(minus scumbag Dad who is now in jail).

Doc's Party was alright, of course slightly awkward being that I am so far removed from his studio. I mean, really I just wanted to see Doc after all that happened that week at school and stuff. It was good to see him, but I wish we had more time to talk. It was also weird to think about last year's party when me and Josh got engaged and announced it at his party. Ah well. The cider was good and hot, and Mrs. Doc's prizes were entertaining as usual. The Hastings party was ridiculous on my behalf - or the Soules sisters in general. We got really drunk and flew around the party like we were bowling balls of destruction. It was good to see the few people I knew, and apparently talk to a bunch of people I should have known/recognized but didn't? Anyways, maybe too much to drink and some bruises found in the morning pretty much sums it up.

Pat and Erin's wedding was nice. I know that a winter wedding isn't what I would choose for myself, but it was great for them. Everything was very pretty and nicely decorated. The service was short and sweet. I am unbelievably happy for Pat and Erin. They have waited for a long time for that day and it went very well. Yahooo. They looked great and we had fun, minus a few fire alarms going off(some kid I guess did the first one - then I think they were just messed up). I was slightly disappointed that we were usherettes and yet it felt like we were not part of the wedding party at all. NOW, let me set this straight, I don't care if I am in the wedding party or not, but don't make a big deal of being an usherette and then pay no attention and have us sit on our asses the whole rehearsal and pictures, etc. Seriously, taking off school Friday was so pointless. Whatever though, not really anyone's fault, just irritating. The rehearsal dinner was also nice by the way. I was sort of mad at Mom for some stupid crap that made it a awkward and stressful weekend in a way unfortunately. Can't really explain or comment more on that...not enough time.

So on the way home from the wedding weekend we got a call from Becky informing us that Kristin was in a coma. It was quite a shock, and I think Theresa and I had NO IDEA how to comprehend what had already happened and what could happen next. We cried some, but not to the extent we felt was necessary. It just was all so confusing. Well Monday we got another call from Lindsay telling us that Kristin didn't make it. Still...confusing and in shock. We cried some more but I would say that it did not hit us until we were almost to Kristin's visitation on Friday night. It's like a sick feeling came over us, it's really happening. We stood in line for a long time and about 15-20 minutes before we got to her family and the casket we realized that it was open. Now, I have never ever been to an open casket funeral. This caused some panic in me. It was very hard to see her like that. I mean, they did a "good job"(what does that even mean?) but she just didn't look the same either. It was difficult, that's all I can really say. In a weird way, after I looked I couldn't stop and it made it more real to all of us. We could finally start to grieve. So strange, someone that young should not just suddenly die. Her funeral was also hard the next morning, lots of crying. I guess it was good to see the people that were there Friday and Saturday even though the reason wasn't a good one, and it makes you want to tell everyone you love that you love them. I am going to continue to be thinking of Kristin and her family, especially this holiday season, as well as Lindsay and her high school friend Erin. I just don't know what else to say about the whole thing.

So the day after Kristin's death I had my concert. Now this was a big to-do more because I had to hold all of the 4/5 grade students after school until the concert for a big party thing so ensure attendance. They got to sign up for different rooms and we had a snack/recess after school and pizza for dinner, etc. It was a lot of organizing, but I have to say it went really well with hardly any problems. It was great to be so busy at a sad time like that in a way too. I learned some things that will help future events such as this go even better, and the actual concert part went alright too. I have really high expectations and was working on this for so long that it is hard to sit back and enjoy and recognize the product even after it's done. I still find myself annoyed that they rushed here, or were TALKING a lot, or that a bunch of kids were pouting and not singing. I just have to remind myself that they did a good job, I did a great job, and this whole job and school is not easy. What I did for/with them, is not something that they have had in the past. I am really looking forward to the Spring concert now, with the whole school. I already have a bunch of ideas written down(I know - Type A). It was also interesting to show my family and some other people the video and see what they had to say. Seems like everyone is "impressed", for lack of a better word, in the diversity at my school. I think I give off the vibe that it is all African American kids, but really I have 61% African American. I have a lot of Asian, Hispanic, Middle Eastern, and Caucasian kids as well. When you look at my concert, there is a WIDE variety of skin color and appearances. I think to me, the African American presence is just so strong when I think of my school because their general tendencies are to be loud, outgoing, and are so different that the way I grew up. I have also been learning so much through my school's grant for African American education that I guess it seems so prevalent. Anyways...

SO late congrats online to Becky and Rick on their engagement. We all knew it was coming(Becky included) but that doesn't mean that it wasn't still a very happy moment. I am sooooo happy for the both of them. They are great for each other, make each other happy, bring out the best in each other, and love each other so much. Rick was sweet about how he did it, and if I could bottle up the happiness we heard in Becky's voice and drink it for breakfast every morning I would be a much happier person. I can't wait to see how the wedding plans start going, and look so so so forward to their wedding. I am also proud of Becky's graduating from UWEC, seems strange that none of us are there anymore. It was not like school was easy for Becky, and she put up with a lot of pressure from people, and pulled through to get what she deserved, a college degree. I often felt bad that Theresa and I fit in so well with our major and had a clear idea from day one of what we wanted out of college. She didn't and I think it shows a lot of strength to keep going like she did. Good job Becky, hope you get a job that fits you well too!

Wednesday I drove to Owatonna to visit my old colleagues and kids. It was interesting. I could not believe that the kids I saw at Lincoln and Washington recognized me right away. They gave me lots of hugs and it was really nice. I mean, I am not going to lie....some of them were like "oh yeah...forgot about you" type of look but that's fine. Hell, I couldn't remember hardly any names of them, and I'd see them and be shocked I forgot about them. They look so much older too already, in 6 months how weird. It was good to see Kathy and Sue, as well as Nancy(art teacher) and some other people. We went to Plaza Moreno and talked for awhile, basically about me and my job/life. I felt like it was a big sob story for me, but really I am just having a really hard time and they know it. It was nice to feel supported, and like the way I am feeling lately doesn't make me crazy. I was so lucky I fit in so well last year, and clicked with my colleagues, regardless of age. I guess, that's what I have been missing a lot this year at Falk. It was a hard drive in, very emotional for some reason. Hard to drive near the cities, hard to drive by Lakeville, hard to drive into and around Owatonna. It made me miss my life last year a ton, and the routine and comfort in it. In another way, it was better on the way back because I guess I was feeling slightly hopeful that I am going to get help and someday be happy again.

OK, so while this is turning into how unhappy I am I guess I should write briefly on that. I am depressed, so totally depressed lately. For the last few months I guess, and getting pretty bad. I mean, I feel just hopeless, worthless, bitchy, tired, sad, and dark. I am fine sometimes, but other times I just crash hard. I have been doing some major reflecting on myself and it's like I have mini breakthroughs and think I know what I need to do to feel better, but then it doesn't help or something else comes up. I am going to see a counselor and try to get on meds if I have to so I don't get worse. I can't live like this, and I can't bring anyone else down with me anymore either. The thing is, I know I am depressed, and extra sensitive, but I also don't like people telling me the reasoning behind my feelings are not legitimate. I might be over-sensitive, but that doesn't mean I am not really hurt by some things. I still feel the feelings, you know? I don't want people to walk around on egg shells around me, but I would like a fucking hug and I love you from time to time from my parents. I mean, yes I get it, we had a wedding and holidays and people are busy. I am not asking for much, I don't need daily hourly conversations, but it would help me I am sure to be affirmed daily that I am loved and cared for. I am not just another person in the world who is just out there breathing. It hurts that I am hurting so much, and everyone can sit around and talk to each other about it, but no one wants to talk to me about it. It's just too awkward or is too much of a downer I guess. I am mainly talking about my family here, minus Theresa who has listening way too much I bet. She says my family is concerned, but yet no one has even asked me about it. Cmon, since when does a depressed person have to walk up to their mom and be like, "I just want you to tell me that you love me and let me cry to you". God. Annoying. But then again, that's depressed Liz, annoyed by everything and everyone. I really wonder how long I have been depressed and all too. I have been pushing people away, and yet searching for love for way too long. I spent my whole relationship with Josh trying to get him to love me, and even now we are broken up and I STILL get frustrated that he doesn't care more about me. Why?! What is my friggin problem? I don't want to go out with him, understand we are not meant for each other, but still want him to think I am a great person sincerely. I have to get to the bottom of my issues, and that is why I am going to go see someone. I am getting worse by the day and panicking about the stupidest shit. Break is hard because my routine is out the window and I am surrounded by sentimental holiday crap. Plus I am BORED. I am not going to go kill myself so do not fret, but I just have a lot on my mind. I feel like I am on the verge of a mental breakdown or an epiphany so I just need to make sure I end up with the right one.

So, yeah, that being said...Christmas Eve/today have been fine. Nothing too special. I have been trying to keep busy, doing dishes and stuff so that I don't ruin Christmas by thinking too much. I got a duffle bag and money and some other stocking stuffer type stuff for Christmas. Plus, Grandma got me some Sex in the City DVDs that Theresa said she'd like, so apparently that means all three of us wanted that but whatever.

Oh and we picked up Josh in Chicago because it was cheaper(well, long story) and visited Joe. It was way too short of a visit with him. We met up with Jess and Jesse and Brian Plank and Kyle Petersen and a few others downtown. It was fun, also too short and not nearly as drunk as it should have been. As me, Josh, and Theresa were about to head out of Madison, I was pulling into a Speedway to get gas and literally slid into another car that was waiting to pull out. There was nothing I could do, tried pumping the breaks and everything. I didn't get a ticket because the cop was being nice and listed it as happening on private property. I was NOT going too fast, it was just a weather thing, but dammit. Just another reason why 2009 blows. I cannot wait to see shitfaced on New Year's Eve and just try to have a better 2010. I know it won't be like all of my problems disappear between Dec. 31st and Jan 1st but it might just help my mindset. Gah.

Sorry to be a downer post, if you made it to the end congrats. I hope everyone else had a realllllly great Christmas and I hope to see lots of people on New Year's. Feel free to leave me some encouragement and love. I know "this too shall pass" but that doesn't make it easier, and things don't just get better on their own so I am just working hard to be happy again. Whew.

Maybe I should jot down some 2010 goals...
- be healthy again - work out more and eat better, get back on track
- Leave school at school
- Be a good friend
- Save money and pay off car/credit card
- Find a hobby or personal interest
- Read more books
- Call home more and be a better daughter/sister

Probably have a ton more, but let's stick to that right now to be realistic and positive.

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

more info?

I guess here is a more updated version of what happened. More detailed, yet not enough answers. I want to know exactly how they are doing and what this healing process looks like for them. Shot in the back of the head and the other the face?! Get out. I still can't believe it.

http://host.madison.com/wsj/news/local/crime_and_courts/article_c3c9439d-f1c8-5ea9-a5ca-ef765579ff55.html

http://www.wkowtv.com/global/story.asp?s=11591147

Sad doesn't even begin to say it.

Here I sit at 1am on a Sunday night sitting wide awake. I just cannot sleep, cannot stop thinking about my kids from school.

I got an email this evening informing me, along with the rest of our school, that two of my students and their parents were in a domestic dispute and were all shot on Saturday. Apparently, they are all in stable condition. I just want to know what that even means. I want to know more! I want answers! In reading the news, I see that they think one of the victims was the shooter, meaning these kids, or more likely one of their parents. What the hell?! I am angry, and just more sad than I can say that these kids have to deal with this crap. I mean, ALL of the kids in my school too, not just these two. It is no wonder that these kids come to school with a negative attitude, and fight with one another. It's what they know, and what they see every single day. I can't believe that two of MY students where I teach were shot...WITH A GUN! I think I have been sad since reading the email, talked to Dad and Theresa, cried, and now I am just pissed and in an angry stage. These kids are innocent, and they do not deserve this. One of them is in 3rd grade and the other in 1st grade. Can you just imagine??? It breaks my heart to think of what they must have heard and saw, their whole lives and then now during all of this. I can't wait to find out more information, to try to make SOME sense out of it maybe. I just really want to know how they are all doing. I just can't imagine how it would feel to lose a student, and to something so horrible as this. Thank God they are surviving. I have no idea what tomorrow will be like. I know that we have specific instructions on how to deal with something like this. I just don't want to break down and cry in front of the kids, but at the same time I know that I have the strength and it would be my nature to do what I need to do to help the kids feel better. It's strange because in all of the classes they will be having a discussion in the morning, and I just feel like as the music teacher, what can I do? If they are already discussing it, do I even bother in music? The thing is, I want them all to know that I am there for them. I want them to share with me their stories and feelings. I just want to help. Right now, I feel helpless. I hate that feeling. I just can't describe the feeling of getting an email that starts out saying that they was a domestic dispute and two of our students were shot. It's like my eyes welled up with tears before I could even read on to see if they were okay! It's like the ultimate panic. I just don't want to feel it again, but I know it could happen again and be worse. Just wish I knew what to do for them. I just hate that there has to be this kind of thing happening to families and children out there. This happened very close to my school and to our apartment. I mean, it's our general neighborhood, the Westside ghetto. I know that I feel safe in the building we live in, but it also makes you wonder. I don't even want to be blocks away from this kind of thing. I would never want my kids to grow up in this kind of neighborhood. How is Falk ever going to turn their school's attitude around, and get kids making great choices and making their lives better? How can we do the seemingly impossible? Even if I can give one kid hope here, I can feel better. But I wish we could do it all. As if I didn't have mixed feelings about Madison and Falk school, now it's even worse. I just want to be there for kids that need someone supportive, who believes in them, but I don't want to be in this negative environment all of the time either. It just brings me down, and then I am not the best I can be for them anyways. I just don't know what to think of it all. Just keep this family in your prayers. I hope the kids heal physically and emotionally. We all just have to take this one day at a time.

Short week!

Ooooooo...so full. I made burgers tonight on the stove. Never tried that before, and I did alright! We also enjoyed baked beans, chips, and Koolaid. It was a regular Soules family summer meal.

I am so happy that this week is a short week. I feel so much less stressed about it for some reason, even though my 4/5 classes before the concert are limited(yikes). Tomorrow is a easy day, and I have lots of prep so I don't have to feel like I need it all done tonight. It is just so awesome to be sitting here doing lesson plans, etc. with Theresa. She is really taking this on full force, and I am proud of her for that. I want to help her so much, but I hope she also knows that she can do, literally, whatever she wants. There is so much freedom in elementary music, let alone her situation. This whole experience is great for me, to talk through things, and share what I know, but also to have her be emerced in what I do every day, and we'll have a better understanding of that for the rest of our lives now. In many ways her school seems slightly better than mine. I mean, she has ONE combined grade level class and I have twelve of twenty. Everyone seems much more welcoming and friendly too. She has another music teacher to talk to there, which can be good and bad, and lucky for her it seems good so far. They get along, and this teacher matches our philosophy more than anyone else we've met here. Theresa needs to decorate her room and make it her own now, so we are trying to figure out how we can get stuff on walls when she doesn't have any posters. She's working on making one right now. :)

Friday night we hung out with Mark Lundin. His place is pretty sweet, lots of plants! It felt like we were in the jungle, or like we were in Where the Wild Things Are. (yes, your assumption at this point is correct). Then we went to a bar that he said was like The Joynt, and it really was, but it was so busy that we couldn't find a place to sit or stand. It was fun to see Mark, he is a really fun guy and we've always gotten along easily. Yesterday Theresa and I slept in sooooo late after that. I have not slept that late in years, no kidding. So, we felt like we couldn't go to bed at a regular time and went to the bowling alley bar. We just sat and split a pitcher while chatting and listening to people butcher songs on kareoke. It's nice to get out, even if it's just the two of us. I really want to go back there, and this other bar we were going to go to but they had a $6 cover when people come to visit. Errin wants to have a Wicked party with cheap vodka in January. Ha, we'll see if it happens. Well, we ARE getting together in January, but we'll see what it actually turns out to be like.

Today I went to one of my student's piano recital. It was so cute! She was by far the best one there in her age group. I was so impressed! AND she arranged the pieces she played "herself". I mean, I know that could mean anything, but it is still cool. Her little brother is a kindergartener, and he freeeeaked out when he saw me. Actually he is the boy I mentioned in a earlier post that said I don't have a mother and loves getting falcon feathers. Their parents were ecstatic that I came and kept thanking me. I guess the girl told them I might be coming, and they made brownie cupcakes for the reception afterwards and made one for me with a music note thing sticking out in case I actually showed up. I bet that they didn't believe her when she said I was coming. BUT I DID! It made me feel really good to support her and see what she is doing outside of my class. It is hard to give the well behaved and gifted students the attention that they deserve when you have to deal with all of the other crap all of the time. I just wanted her to know I care, and think it's cool that she is liking piano lessons.

I think I am going to put my laundry away, and the dishes, and then do some school stuff until bed. I CAN'T WAIT to go home Wednesday night for Thanksgiving. I am just going to veg out, watch TV, and sit on the couch all day talking to Mom. Can't wait to see Laura and Morgan and everyone! I just might do some black friday shopping as well. Toodleloooooo!

It's a bird, it's a plane....

I wish you could see better, but here we are....Falk's SUPER SPECIALS!!!!

Art teacher(Sheila) Librarian(Kim) Me and PE(Jim)

BUCKY!

This afternoon Bucky Badger came to Falk, THE REAL ONE. Ha, like he's real. The kids were going crazy for him. Because of the poverty level at my school many kids never get the chance to see a UW game or Bucky in general so they love it that he comes to them. They had about 12 band members there too, and they put on a fun little show. This all happened at our Courage Assembly so yes, I was dressed up as the music super hero yet again. I love doing that. Anyway, we were waiting to run in for our thingy and the UW band was just getting there and they ALL almost walked into the wall because they were looking at our outfits and wondering why I had a euphonium(and a pretty one if I must say so). It was pretty funny. I play the charge thing when we announce which class won the specials award and for the second time now, I nailed it! lol, yes I am lame. I had fun dancing with the kids while the band played, doing the chicken dance! So cute.

Tonight we are going to keep it low key I think. I just ate dinner and just feel like napping for 4 hours. Tomorrow we have to be up fairly early to go work the badger came with the McCormicks. Hopefully it goes by fast.

Wednesday we went to Trivia again and it was pretty fun. More people from work came out, and even drank this time. It was good to talk to some more staff and have them ask what I think, and to be honest with them about everything and feel understood. The people there maybe didn't feel the same way as me, or see things a certain way until I said it, but were nice and supportive. I def think I feel better lately because more people are finally talking to me, why did it take a quarter of the school year?! Theresa and I got a little tipsy again, her more than me because I talked so much and then we got Little Caesars on the way home. It. Was. Amazing.

Last night Theresa and I decided(Idid) to get dinner at Loredo's. Yep, we're healthy eaters. Nah, really I just have been wanting to go for weeeeeeeeeks now. It's like Madison's El Patio. We just felt like getting out, talking and having a margarita. Then we came home and decided to not waste the margarita an ddrink some more, which just made us really tired and made it hard to get up this morning. I just think it's funny that we drank just the two of us, on a school night, after conferences.

Speaking of conferences, mine were barely existent and I had 3 parents come see me. One mom and dad came to see me because their 1st graders is really shy and wanted to see how he was doing/tell me he is playing piano and doing well. Another mom talked to me because her son talks a lot and I think his regular teacher told her I have to give him a warning on his chart almost every day. Luckily, I was able to honestly say he has been doing much better, especially since getting new seating charts. She was way friendly too. The other mom who came in was the one who talked to me weeks ago about musicals and concerts. They have three girls and their dad is a music producer so they are all into it. She said her girls want to sing Party in the USA at the winter concert. Ha, doesn't bother me, if they are serious about putting something together! We also talked briefly about Mariah Carey, Whitney Houston, and Celine Dion. Heh. Overall, the day was what I expected. It was more like a work day. I wish mor eparents would come talk to me, like of the problem kids. Honestly though, those are parents that won't do anything, and clearly don't know what they are doing as parents in the first place.

Next week I am being observed by my lesbian principal(really, found that out at Trivia last week). I am not nervous at all, but I do want her to be impressed. It would just be awesome to kick ass in the class she is watching and have her be like "OH, I should try to keep her here, maybe pay some attention to her." A couple of SEA's have said really nice things to me lately about how great I am, and how different I am but that the kids love it and are learning so much more. Um, yeah going through the textbook will only get you so far. For example, one SEA was a little drunk and was like, "I mean I don't know all of the so, mi, and dos, but they are having fun!"(while doing the hand signs) I am like DUH you are learning and know it because you just showed it to me, and you don't even know it. HAHA!

So excited for my concert in December. I love this one song I decided to do yesterday. It's a late start but it is the most beautiful song for kids, and if we can pull it off you can be sure that I will cry. Something about little kid voices singing so sweetly on pitch and some pretty melody makes me emotional. Can't wait to see what happens. It has two parts so hopefully we can pull off the harmony. Time will tell...

Gonna go see if Theresa wants to go get a movie now. Have a great weekend everyone!

WOW!

Um, yeah...totally us when we're old ladies.

inner thoughts of a music teacher

Alright, well today was interesting...

I had my first visitation day for school, which basically means that the arts coordinator set up a half day where I spend time watching another music teacher in the district. I observed a teacher who taught at my school 3 years ago for one year. Apparently she didn't care for Falk and I was looking forward to meeting her, thinking that we might line up more as far as teaching philosophy. Well...I would say that it was nice to talk to someone who understands Falk. We talked about how the atmosphere is more negative there. It was nice to sort out how I feel with her that way. I like my students, feel like I've developed a good relationship with them, but it is hard to teach at Falk because the general staff there allows disrespect to happen. No one expects students to take responsibility for their actions, and own their behavior. "You have to understand where they are coming from and what their home life is like" - This is what I hear a lot. I don't see how I can settle for less than appropriate behavior, and have high expectations as far as this goes. I love my students, want to advocate for them, and also want them to know that they should be more respectful and responsible so that they can feel success. I heard a student saying something to an after school staff person along the lines of, "well, my parents will whoop me if I disrespect them, but you can't because you're a teacher!" Why is this okay? I just think that we should provide a positive environment, where they are intrinsically motivated to make good choices. The consequences for poor behavior at Falk are pathetic and have no impact. Someone, principal especially, needs to re-evaluate what is going on here. It makes it harder for a teacher, that is trying to do the right thing, to be consistent and effective. I can send a kid out to the recovery room, but I WANT to deal with conflicts/poor behavior on my own because I don't agree with the way things are done in the recovery room all of the time. It's like a kid throws a fit, waits it out, calms down, writes me a quick and meaningless sorry letter, and everyone moves on. What does that really show the kids??

And to go off on what else is on my mind... I was VERY disappointed to meet this teacher today only to find out that she pretty much only teaches stuff from K-8 magazine and MusicExpress. Now, I love both magazines and have gotten a lot of fun songs out of them, mostly for holidays and filler stuff. She is getting ready for a concert, and so I was thinking that was why it seemed like all they did was listen and sing along with a CD while doing some actions. Yes, the kids were engaged and having fun, BUT they weren't really learning anything. I think a lot of music teachers think that as long as they are engaged and loving music and singing that is enough. I don't think they realize the wealth of educational and historic songs that can teach elements of music, as well as be fun for kids. I learned this to the tenth degree last year being in a district that taught mostly using the Kodaly method because it is based on folk songs. Ok, when in theory I thought it was ridiculous that Dr. Cunningham thought we would know all of these old folk songs, and now I realize the value in those songs. I like how they have a historical purpose(ie. work songs), age appropriate melodies, and you can extend them with games. I don't use only older folk songs though. I also like finding new songs, about things in our current students lives, that are still fun but have that educational value. This music teacher today was saying that she hopes she teaches them "perhaps something about music and notes, but just to create music lovers and consumers is the goal". I think you can DO BOTH easily! Well, I shouldn't say easily, but if you do the work it is much more rewarding and effective. It is also not that hard to branch out to find more educational materials. I just think of my elementary music experience, straight out of the text book, and I don't really remember anything we did. I remember a small handful of songs, and absolutely nothing about reading music, and I wouldn't say it made me some kind of music lover. I also attribute that kind of half-ass early music education that I had to the fact that I was a timid and uncomfortable singer for many years, probably up until I student taught and had to do it all the time. I saw great music education happening every single day last year and it is disappointing to be away from it. I hate that it seems like all of the music teachers in Madison are like this too. We have two kinds, textbook teachers, and magazine teachers. The only good thing I can really see about these "styles" is that there is a large opportunity to use culturally appropriate songs and history. I would just rather push myself to find ways to do that with the way I am already doing things. I compare all of this to a middle/high school band teacher who only does pop songs or just runs music/teaches by rote. You could also compare it to a driven musician being placed in a ensemble that doesn't have as high of expectations or level of musicianship and doesn't care to improve. Frustrating...

Her classroom management was not impressive. Yes, the kids liked her and weren't killing each other. They were, however, walking around like they owned the place and interrupting her left and right. All I was thinking was "Julie put me with YOU?" Each teacher has their own style of classroom management though, and some are more comfortable this type of atmosphere. I just think you can have tons of fun, connect with students, while keeping things efficient and productive. I should not have to let kids go off on other topics just so they get a chance to share. If it applies and it is a quick story, by all means then share, but we don't need to waste 5 minutes flipping a flip form over to see what is underneath "just to get our curiosity out of the way". No, they don't need to see, move on and get them interested in what you are doing. Duh. This teacher said, "ready?" like a million times a class, and I thought of when Dr. Heidel pointed out that I kept doing that. I realized how annoying it is, and I am glad that I stopped doing it. I am very careful with my language in general and how I articulate directions, etc. and I am thankful that I have come so far in that area in the last couple of years.

Is it bad that I think I am a better music teacher than a lot of the ones in my district, as a second year teacher??? I feel like a student teacher could learn a lot from me already. I can't wait to have one some day. Now, I TOTALLY am not saying that I have everything down, and that my way is the best. I just think that because of my passion for being a great music teacher I work really hard to do a good job. My lesson plans are very thorough and efficient, and they cover ALL elements of music. I like the variety in my plans and think I understand kids interests and abilities so this helps me. I just miss being around other good teachers daily. I am very reflective and always am looking for new materials and ideas, and I just feel like many teachers take the easy way out. Where can I find other teachers that love learning how to make themselves and their students be the best they can be? Can't wait to see what happens next year.

Oh man, that was a long rant, but I knew it would be driving away from that school today.

This weekend was Erin's Bridal Shower and Bachelorette Party. The shower was boring and the party started that way, but later turned out to be an awesome night. It's like, drink drink drink not drunk yet, OOPS WASTED! I am a little embarrassed that Mom and Dad saw me drunk, although Dad was drunk soooo...awesome. I have never seen him drunk, it was awesome. Erin's friends are all young and skinny(lightweights), so not that fun for us. We didn't see many people from high school out so that was also a relief. Pat had fun with the guys, and he was also funny drunk at the end of the night. At the bacc party we all had to take a blank outline of a guy and draw our dream guy on it, and it was funny. MOM'S!!! EW, she drew a hairy guy and we were like, "DAD?" and she was like, "No, it's for Erin I thought!" Whatever, weird. Theresa's was too realistic it was creepy, mine sucked, and Shannon copied the penis on mine which was funny. Basically she had a anime guy with a big dick. Christa's guy had a funny shaped penis that looked like a barbell and Christines had a red pen so she made a guy with a red afro and huge pubes, gross. One of the ladies there drew a guy in some kind of S&M clothes which was awkward. We also played a relay game where you had to try to get a roll of toilet paper that was in between your legs onto someone else's broomstick, also between their legs. Guess you'd have to be there. Stout Ale House service sucked yet again. I think that I am going to write them a letter to complain. We had a large group so gratuity was included, but service was horrible. They forgot things, messed up orders, and one girl had a raw, pink burger. They told another girl she couldn't order a grasshopper because they were busy. Wtf? It was a Saturday night, and the capacity in that place is like 800. There could not have been more than 200 there. She was a bitch too. My nachos sucked. Anyways, it was a fun weekend. It went by way too fast and when we left home Saturday after going out, I started crying hugging Mom. Ha, I was drunk too so that didn't help.

This is a short week. We have conferences on Thursday so no classes. It should be an easy day for me. I just have to get through tomorrow, day of whatever I want, and then Friday. On Friday Bucky Badger is coming with some cheerleaders and a small group of Badger Band people. It should be fun, but I am just annoyed that all these teachers expect me to teach about the badger band. Excuse, but what is there to teach. I'll spend 10 minutes on it, but not weeks. Give me a break. I have so many other things to focus on, like a concert.

I am feeling better, as far as health, this week. I still have gunk up in hur. At times I will have an annoying and suffocating coughing fit, and feel a little stuffed up in the morning, but I am fine most of the time. That's a relief. Now, we just need to start working out way more often. We have slacked hard core, and the scale is starting to show it. geh, I like working out when I am there, and it always feels great afterwords, but dragging myself there is the problem. We only have a month until Pat and Erin's wedding so hopefully we can still make some progress. I tried my dress on this weekend and it fits really well, but it'd be nice to lose just a little bit, and go tanning too.

Ok, long post. If you made it to the end, good for you! You are a true friend, ha. Oh I like how last time the only comments I got were from Becky and Theresa. Cmon people, leave me a laugh!

Have a great night!

McDonalds :/

Theresa and I just had McDonalds for dinner and not only do I feel guilty, I feel crappy, gassy, and greasy. Eh, oh well.

Today I didn't go to school. I just felt like ass last night. This whole week was rough actually. Monday afternoon my throat hurt pretty bad and the old music teacher was subbing at Falk so I asked her to do my Tuesday afternoon. She did, and after napping and getting a good night's rest I felt like I could get through Wednesday. We had professional development in the morning and I didn't want to miss it. Theresa subbed for me that morning while I was in the meeting and then I got back to my room and did two kindergarten classes, realizing I actually didn't feel fine anymore. It is so freakin hot in my room and dry, so I think that makes everything worse. So, I went and talked to Ann who was there again and she said she'd prefer not to sub today for me. That was fine and Jeff(a 38 year old SEA who goes out every night) was trying to get us to go out to this bar after school for trivia night. After lunch I tried teaching my first of four straight 2/3 classes and realized I had no energy and had a huge headache. We watched movies and I just sat there. I thought going out afterward might get rid of my headache. We met up with Jeff and his other alcoholic friends, and it was alright. There was an awkward situation with this Asian friend of his...We are glad we went out, to break the ice and stuff. But we basically got way too tipsy and realized it was working on our headaches and left around 7:30. It was one of the worst headaches I have had, I felt really nauseous and could NOT think. So I tried calling in to the sub thing because I couldn't plan for myself, or for a music sub if I wanted to. The thing was being stupid and I ended up having to call my secretary at home. Anyways, she set it up, I had some random sub today who just watched movies I guess. I woke up feeling much better, but I still feel tired and exhausted. I wouldn't be surprised if I had mono or something. It's like when I am sitting I feel fine and it makes me feel guilty for not going to school, and at the same time both times I tried to teach my classes as a regularly do I was way way way exhausted. Anyways, I just hope I can make it through tomorrow which the mindset that it is Friday. Mary Neff is observing my kindergarten classes tomorrow because she has to observe children that are different from her, aka black. I also have a meeting with my principal in the afternoon regarding the 4/5 concert in December. I planned all the music for the concert, and have worked out a ton of details. Hopefully when we meet I can smooth out the rest, and just work on getting the kids ready from here on out. I feel like this concert is a huge opportunity to "prove" myself, for lack of a better word, to the other teachers and parents. I know many kids like me, but 4/5's have been my hardest classes this year. They are bigger, way behind, and have challenging personalities. Apparently there is a big problem with student/parent turn out at concerts so I am having an after school pizza party and movies to keep kids there. I really hope it helps.

Anyways, Theresa and I watched Lion King the other night. What a great movie. Oh man. I think we need to watch Pocahontas next. OH, Community is on, I like that show a lot.

This weekend we are going to Menomonie for Erin's(future SIL) Bridal Shower and Bachelorette Party. It's a Christmas theme, kind of lame but hopefully it will be a good time. I am just looking forward to spending some time at home, hopefully with Mom and Dad. We'll probably leave around 4 tomorrow, stop at Ho Chunk as we have made a tradition out of playing a few dollars on the penny slots, and then go to EC for the night. Saturday is home, and Sunday hopefully. I also hope I can see Morgan again, she's getting so big!

Next week is pretty random too. I have a visitation day with another music teacher in the district, who also spent one year at Falk(and didn't like it....hmmmm). That will be nice to get another perspective on this district and elementary music in general. Wednesday is a new music teacher meeting at the district office. I have no clue what that will be like, but maybe I will get to know the other new teachers better. Thursday we don't have school for conferences. Hopefully no big momma comes to yell at me for anything. I have to think of something interesting for conferences so I actually get parents down to the music room. Suggestions??? Ugh, today my report card write up was due to the secretary and I forgot since I was gone, but I am sure she understands. We don't do specials grade for 1st quarter, which is dumb in a way, so I just have to write up what we have done per grade. I hate that I don't know what it should include or look like. I don't want to over do it and have everyone think I am a loser, but I don't want to be so vague that parents think we haven't done anything.

Alright, well I guess I'll stop the blog now. Just writing pointless thoughts anyways.

Leave me a funny comment, a good laugh would be much appreciated, like "Has this screen always been like a bite outta crime?" or whatever becky said about their window.

November already!

Well, lots to update? I guess so anyways...

Convention was alright, not really worth all the money but thankfully we live in town so that helps. I am glad I experienced it finally too. I got a few really great ideas for school. I really liked watching the guy who taught the sessions on Middle Eastern and African American music. I mean, it always seems like it is harder for me to catch on to learning songs in a different language and everyone else seems to get it after one run through. I always felt that way after Orff and Kodaly workshops last year too. He was really good though, and I am always in awe of good teachers, and just picture what their classes must be like. I think my favorite session was the one on improvisation in the elementary music class. I guess it is one of those things I had the least experience with, as far as the elements go. I also liked realizing that some of the things I already do, with vocal exploration for example, really are a form of improvisation. With kids it is all about basic stuff, so it's not like improvising with a jazz band. They can just make up a 4 beat response to nonsense words/syllables. Anyways, rant.

We all went to Essenhaus Thursday night. By all, I mean Ashley, Lauren, Theresa, Rick, Justina, her bf, and me. It was unexpectedly fun. We drank too much I am sure, and made asses of ourselves. BUT I enjoyed Rick so much that night, holy hilarious. It was a fun place, not too cheap but worth the experience. I'd consider going there again if we ever have more visitors.

Halloween - I had some really fun times and I was also disappointed a bunch. State street is way too crazy. It was fun to see the funny costumes. We had a lot of fun getting ready and before we left for State St. Then it was just too crowded and we had to wait forever to get a drink, get into a bar, or go to the bathroom so I was more or less sober when we got back to the apartment. Then me and Becky and Theresa and Rick slept in my room/closet and at least ended the night laughing at stupid shit. Again, Rick was a blast.

The next morning we went to Perkins and I didn't realize Errin and her friends were leaving straight from there, or I wouldn't have left after I paid my bill. Truth is, I was just really emotional(yet again) and felt sad that Yakob wouldn't just meet us for 5 minutes. I just miss MY friends, and I don't have many. I was bummed that Joe and Stephanie couldn't make it, Errin brought friends and was off with them, and Yakob stood me up. It was just disappointing because I have felt so sad, lonely, and depressed lately. I wanted it to be a good time.

Wednesday night as everyone was starting to get in, I got a call from Dennis. We talked for about 1hr and I kept trying to get off the phone because we had people arriving and stuff. He just kept talking, and we clearly have so much to catch up on so I told him to call me again. SO, he called 15 minutes later and we talked a bit more. It was just...weird? I mean, I love talking to Dennis. He's a great guy, and we've always been able to talk easily. Since I've been so lonely it was nice to talk to someone I felt really knew me, but at the same time disappointing because I feel like he is going off getting married and settling for a half-ass relationship. I've always felt that way about them, and it could be the circumstances that we broke up and he started dating her right away. They've been together more or less ever since, but I do know that she cheated on him a few years ago and they broke up for a bit. I feel like he took her back because of comfort or something. I just never think cheating is okay, ever. Everyone has their experiences and their beliefs but I just don't know how it gets that far. Anyways, who knows I told him I'd love to talk more often, but it'll probably be another few months. I don't want to call him and have Kristin get pissed. Geh.

Justina met her boyfriend, who was awesome btw, on match.com. Maybe I should go on there, cripes. I miss being close to someone and want to move on with my life, but it just doesn't feel right anyways. I know that might just be because I haven't met anyone lately who I would ever be interested in. I don't know, I have just been flat out depressed. I feel like crying all the time, and lately I have been. I just don't know if I am that depressed or if my hormones are messed up or what. I just feel alone, and like no one cares about me, and like I've lost anything good in my life.

Job is still okay, but I am consistently disappointed in that no other staff care to make me feel welcome, besides the librarian and art teacher. I am getting all of my things together for my 4th/5th grade concert in December. I hope I pull it off alright. I left school after lunch today because I was feeling kind of sick last night and asked the retired music teacher if she'd be interested in subbing for me if I didn't feel better. She could only do the afternoon so I guess that's what I asked her to do. I could have stayed all day, but let's face it I needed a mental health afternoon. I would take tomorrow off for more mental health, but we have staff development and knowing my luck my sickness would kick into full force in a few days when I need to actually be gone.

I just don't think I can describe how I feel lately. Not to be a downer, but I thought it would pass. I find myself so sensitive, emotional, and drained. I feel like Josh is completely shutting me out of his life. If that's what he wants, whatever. I am just disappointed because I thought we could be friends. This is what I did to him at points this summer, but I was mad and dealing with a fresh wound. Now, I just wonder if he is flat over it all, or mad at me, or in love with another person or what. I just feel like a major retard trying to talk to him, because it feels one-sided and like he is so uninterested in my life, along with everyone else. So the death of our regular friendship has been hard on me. It will never be normal again.

I just don't know. I JUST DON'T KNOW! Please don't comment, I only find it awkward. (although I appreciated MOST of the other comments on my last post on friends).

blah

Here I sit, another week has gone by. I haven't wanted to blog lately, perhaps it's too much work, and also I just don't know how much of my feelings I can really articulate, let alone in a public blog. I guess I will try because it might make me feel better...

so...where to start...Homecoming. It was alright. It always feels good to get out and do something different, and see different people, etc. I found myself just feeling depressed after the weekend though. I mean, not like cut yourself and want to commit suicide, but I just feel lost. I do not have any friends. I know a lot of people, and I am surface friends with them, but really no one that I was dying to see. The subject of friends is a touchy subject with me currently. On one hand, I want friends because I want to talk to people, laugh, and all that. At the same time, everyone annoys me here(besides Theresa) and I feel like my opportunity to be close friends with many people in EC has passed. It can be really hard now that I realize how much Josh and I shared and talked. In no way am I saying I regret my decision, but it does suck to lose a friend. Even though we are "friends" it will never be the same. Most of the people I know from EC were more friends with Becky and mostly Theresa(social butterfly). Unfortunately, I have been getting way down on myself lately because I feel like this is all my fault for being a "homebody" and a bit of a bitch? I don't know. I guess I just never saw the value of being fake with people and pretending to care about stupid shit just to fit in. Maybe that costed me some friends. I also was always stretched thin as far as being busy, and lord knows I love my "me time", even if it is just sitting around being lazy. If I was not down here with Theresa I have no clue how I would be surviving. And the worst thing is when everyone tries to tell me that it's some adjustment and all just relating to change. I've gone through changes, I have been in new places with new people, and I have always been fine. I am also not saying that it has nothing to do with it, but I just don't want to hear the generic shit I guess.
It's really been bugging me, also, that my family seems to not even care if I exist. All drama aside, I really do wonder if my parents ever think about me. It is how I honestly feel to say that I know they assume since I am with Theresa that I am fine. I love a big family, but fuck I just want some attention sometimes. I know that they love me and care about me so much. I just wish they knew how to make the time to show it. BUT then I wonder, do I make the time to show THEM?...I just don't know. I have only talked to my parents 4 times since August 29th and each time it's for a few minutes it feels like. I know I could talk more if I made the effort to call them, but it just feels like I am bothering them. I cannot stand when I am talking to Mom and she is having side conversations with my little siblings. "Oh Scott, can you pick that up?" That type of shit. I know she hates that it happens sometimes too, but I just don't understand why she won't email me, or call me when she has a chance, even late at night. At the same time, I have nothing to say to my parents really. I could talk and talk and talk about my job, but I've learned that no one wants to hear it. Well, I shouldn't say it that way, but I also know that there are so many things going through my head regarding school that I don't know where to begin and so I tend to just not talk about it. It's weird that Theresa talks more about her subbing jobs than I talk about my job. The weekend before homecoming we were home and not 5 minutes after we walked in the door, mom and dad went to Eau Claire for the day to get shit for the cabin. That's all they care about, I swear. It just felt like a slap in the face. We tried to just use it as an opportunity to spend time with the little kids, but it would be nice to feel a connection to my own parents again. See? I shouldn't have even tried to write about this heavy stuff. It's making me sound like a melodramatic baby. So I will continue!
My job is not horrible, I repeat, not horrible. I don't want people to think I hate Falk. I really like having a job, I enjoy working with these kids. While there are behavior problems, I still feel a strong desire to be an advocate for each student, and help them be successful in school and out. If I leave next year, I really would miss these kids too. It's more that I feel like the school is not as fulfilling. The teachers don't collaborate enough, pretend things are great when they are not, and they just settle for what they think is enough. I am just so opposite of that mindset that it drives me crazy. I want to get things done, come up with new ideas, make the best of every situation, and all of the typical stuff. I just don't relate to any of the staff there well at this point. I have a people I talk to, and they are very very nice, but I can't say I think that they "get" me. I WISH I WAS IN OWATONNA. I was just in the ideal place for me, only to not be able to be back there. I am learning a lot here, and it will make me a better teacher. I just try to challenge myself, recognize my hard work, and do the very best I can for my kids. It's fricken exhausting. I am really bonding with some kids. I am also getting into sorting through the room, and making it my own.

Alright, enough bitching. This morning I kind of strained a muscle or something. The middle of my back, kind of where my bar is, is just really sore and tight. I made it through the day, but it got progressively worse. I laid down with my heating pad and took some IBprofen after school. I think it feels a little better. We are now watching Wheel of Fortune, having a typical Soules sister night. I have a little stuff to do for school, but I think we will be watching Edward scissorhands later.

I think I am going to go to the dentist for a cleaning, and ask them about my wisdom teeth again. I mean, I keep biting my cheek in the back and it's getting ridiculous. My dentist in Lakeville had a theory that if he pulled them out my cheeks would just adjust and more or less sink into the next teeth anyways, meaning I'd still bite them. At the time it made sense, and I didn't want to have to pay to remove them. Now, it seems a little silly and I would set up a payment plan if I could stop biting my teeth. PLUS, I think I bite my tongue/cheek in my sleep and clench my jaw. I don't know. I really don't think I could sleep with a mouthguard though. I know Chelsea sleeps with one, but knowing me and my clausterphobia I think it would be bad.

Ok, long story short, I am feeling like empty and lonely and crappy lately, but I do not want advice or fake put-ups. Thanks "friends".

Getting things done...

I am feeling pretty good lately about getting some things done that I have really put off. I mean, I guess I shouldn't feel so good since I should have done them before and I have not been working out like I should either, but I am going to still be happy.

Last night I did a couple loads of laundry and spent the whole night doing things for school, and NOT lesson plans. I figured out what I am roughly doing the rest of the month and in November, made some leeway on my 4/5 grade concert in December, and went through many music catalogues trying to figure out how to spend my budget. I turned in a few orders today, and still need to finish up a few more that involve websites instead of teacher catalogues. I don't have a ton to spend so I am trying to be smart. I am also trying to really buy things that can go a long way, but enable me to do a lot of the cool things I was able to do in Owatonna. I think I might seriously invest in an ipod for school. Still don't know, it'd be SO nice to not switch out CDs and keep track of what song is what number on what CD in what CD space of the stereo. Ugh, I know.

Tonight I am going to continue my budget stuff, and clean the bathroom and vacuum the apartment. It needs it. I am also going to pack for the weekend and figure out what all I have to do before we leave for EC. I am sort of excited to go to homecoming, but I'd be lying if I said I think it's going to earth shattering. I am just hoping to get away, have more than a few laughs, and not feel like I am unprepared for the weekend. I also hope that I feel refreshed after this weekend, rather than a huge yearning to stay there or Menomonie for a few more days. Sunday we are going to Menomonie to see Angie from HS's baby. She's over 10months old, and I've never seen her. I am also going to pick up a coat rack that Dad made for my room so that the kindergarteners can hang up their coats they bring to music before lunch. Right now they are throwing them into a pile and then we spend way too long at the end of class digging for coats and fighting for crap like that.

I really like the secretaries at my school. It's not like we have some personal bond, it's more like they are so nice, and get their shit done AND FAST. They do a really good job, and especially Cindy is so organized. I love it. I can't wait to organize my room, side note I guess.

I love October because teaching Halloween songs for music class is so fun. There are SO MANY cool Halloween songs and activities. I don't just sing the songs that have Halloween words, but I have good educational stuff that I can pull out rhythms/pitches we are working on, do pitch matching, and incorporate literacy stuff too. Rattlin' Bones here we come. Plus, I heard that you can read Where the Wild Things Are while playing In the Hall of the Mountain King so I might just try that out since the movie is out tomorrow. Wouldn't that be fun? I am a nerd.

Well, time to get back to being productive. That seems to be the theme of most blogs I read of other people's. Oh well. See you on the flip side of homecoming blogisphere.

6 weeks done!

I have completed 6 weeks of school, and I can't believe it's already Oct. 9th. How bizarre! This week was maybe one of the "best" weeks that I have had so far. Really, I just haven't had the behavior issues I had before. There are still issues, don't get me wrong, but they are not as often. I only had to call the recovery room once this week, and that was because this girl came over on a rampage after phy ed and when I tried to call the recovery room she kept pressing buttons on the phone. I had to send a kid down to get her teacher because there was no one in the recovery room, and I had to hold her and she started stomping on my feet and kicking my shins. I am just glad that she didn't really hurt me because she's small. It seems like kids at school are really emotional lately. It sounds like they all have so much going on at home. These kids hate when people say things about their mom too(ie. YOUR MOM...!) I have had many students argue or physically start to fight over comment about their mom. Anyways, sorry so much about school, yet again.

I have been saving pictures from online to print for our frames and albums in the apartment. We have really old pictures/store model pictures in our frames. I realized how little pictures there are that are the long way. It will be nice to get that done next week, complete the love nest a little more. We also bought a britta water filter for our kitchen sink. AWESOME! Now our water doesn't taste like chlorine. I'll probably become much more hydrated as a result of this.

I got my hair cut a week ago and the stupid lady butchered my bangs. She cut them REALLY short(we're talking like 1/2 inch above the tops of my eyebrows) and they are CROOKED! I was so embarrassed, but of course I didn't have the balls to complain. Plus, I couldn't see without my glasses on and I hate when they are standing there and want you to check it out. it's awkward. So, I have been pinning them back, which basically means that I have to wear my hair in a ponytail. I just don't like doing that every day. I'll "pull myself together", and have a friggin pony tail pulled straight back. So, today I decided they were for a week, studies say 1/8 inch in that time so I was like screw it, and wore them down. I felt self conscious all day, but hopefully I didn't make a total ass of myself. I just have to act surprised all day and raise my eyebrows, haha.

I am watching Rachel Ray right now. I have only seen it a couple of times, but the meatballs with cheese sauce that she made looks amazing. I am waiting for Theresa to get home from subbing. It's so strange to have her be "working" when I am the one at home waiting. I get done early on Fridays so that is why I got home around 1pm today. I am going to try to do some Monday plans now though so I can enjoy the weekend. EC/Menomonie - Here I come!

Please write more everyone, AHEM YAKKO.

Post during commercials...

That is what I am currently doing while watching my favorite show, The Biggest Loser. Yah! I love Tuesdays...

Ha! I hate Tracy on BL and I am happy she can't work out. I still don't understand what her injury is exactly. Poor Coach Mo, just wish he'd get a real name.

Theresa and I just got back from working out. Last week I was busy and didn't get in there for way too long. Now I am sore from last night, so tonight was tiring as well. I want to get into a better routine for what time we go though. I liked going at night last year, but I am thinking Theresa and I should go around 4 after school, come home and eat dinner, and then do whatever else we have to do. We'll see, at least we are going again. I am a tad PO'ed that Theresa burns way more calories than me when we are doing the exact same thing. Does weight make that big of a difference? Ugh.

School has been okay so far this week. I am really pushing myself to pack my lessons full of interesting things and variety of skills(reading, writing, decoding), as well as the kind of activity(visual, aural, kinesthetic). I just love being silly with the kindergarteners and 1st graders. They believe anything, it's like playing for 30 minutes. Today some teachers were talking about a particular student who is difficult to manage at times, and through talking I discovered that some teachers think he might have Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. Now, for me this is so weird. I never even thought to consider that when I considered other labels like ADHD, EBD, etc. It's sad to think of how many of my kids might have FAS and I wouldn't neccessarily know. I mean, with the poverty and sort of "ghetto-ness" that my school feeds from, I guess I shouldn't be surprised. It's just....sad. I don't know. Tomorrow is my fullest day so hopefully it goes by fast and easy, and then I can coast through Thursday and Friday and it will be yet another week finished(and without me calling in sick to boot). Next week Theresa is subbing for me all day while I go to an all day New Teacher workshop that the district requires. I can't WAIT to see what her day is like as me. Ha, of course she'll be playing a movie or something easy, but I still can't predict what the kids will do to her.

Last week I went to Kyle Peterson's school and helped him have kids try out and pick instruments. It was very nice to see him again, and be around a familiar face again. It was also nice to have something going on at night so I didn't just sit at home and watch TV. I am glad I got a little band fix in there too. I liked seeing another Madison school, and while it is a middle school and on the east side, I still felt like Kyle can understand somewhat of what I am going through. I also got to chit chat with Jess last night and that was much needed, wish we could have talked longer.

I am excited to go home this weekend. I haven't been to Menomonie or EC since Christine's bday which was August 29th. I haven't seen Morgan since a week before that too. We are going home for her baptism, or christening or WHATEVER. Clearly, I just want to see her. I know she has gotten much older and bigger. Darn babies, they grow up too fast. I am happy to see my whole family again. I want to talk to Laura about school, and I want to talk to my mom and dad about my job, and I want to see how scott likes 7th grade and the tenor sax, and see how Shannon and Chrissy are doing at good ole MHS. I mean, I keep in touch with them with facebook, but it's not the same. Shannon will probably be happy to see me only because I am giving her my old phone now that I got a new one. I think Saturday we will go see the BMB again in Chippewa Falls. I don't think we will leave until Saturday after sleeping in though. I really need Friday night to do school stuff, and to relax and not be stuck in a car. We can still workout and then leave Saturday.

THEN HOMECOMING! Yes, I am a huge nerd and I think it's cool to go back still. Well, really I just can't wait to hang out and drink with friends, and see the band, and hopefully maybe some teachers. I am going to have fun, no regrets, but I will not drink as fast as I did last year. THAT was ridiculous.

I have had some really funny times with Theresa as of late. OH MY GOD, seriously. I wish everyone could have triplet sisters, and do things that make things very funny. We drew each other the other night, and I could just pee. Wow. Also, we recording a message for Becky that is ridiculous and turns out it is too long to send. Ha.

Last weekend, Theresa and I went to Greendale to see Becky and Rick and the rest of the BMB( I know no one in there anymore). Yakob met up with us and it was a fun time, maybe not super crazy but worthwhile. I wish Yakob could live with us. heehee.

I am trying to think of something funny the kids said as a send off for this blog. Hmmmm, I'll give it another try on the next commercial break...

"HEY! WHERE'S MY MOM?!" Trevor to the secretary as I walked in behind him.
me "Hey Trevor, where's my mom?"
Trevor "YOU don't have a mom"
me"Oh really? How did I get here then?"
Trevor "You got here in a car because you are an adult. You don't have a mom because you have a husband instead!"
me "Well, I don't have a husband, so can I keep my mom for awhile?"
Trevor "Huh? No."

This is the same kid who LOVES getting falcon feathers and when he gets one he holds it like gold. He has a hard time putting it in his pocket because it will bend, but sometimes we need both hands for a game or something. It's funny, I talked to his mom about it the other day because she works at school for lunch duty or something. Today she came up to me, and apparently he slept with her last night. In his sleep he said, " I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO PUT MY FALCON FEATHER!" Haa, oh kids. They are little pieces of golden rod paper with a falcon on it. Get over it.

Well, I am going to get back to Biggest Loser. Hope everyone is having a great October so far!